Thank Goodness We Don't Have Smell-O-Vision

I honestly don't know what to say about R&B/Soul night on Idol other than Usher was one of the best "mentor's" in a long while.  Besides a few gerat comments from Ellen and Simon and one fantastic performance from Lee, the rest of the show was a vast wasteland of stinking, rotting garbage.

To back up my point, April was so horrified by what she was watching that she sent me 2 texts ranting and railing about it.  Cudos (not to be confused with the delicious snack Kudos!) to you April!  Your comments were on point and I felt your pain.

Since last night was Top 10 night and I am severly pressed for time (curse you stupid work!!!!!!) I will sum up my thoughts in a tidy little Top 10 of my own.  Here it goes:

1. "Teflon Tim" is not a compliment nor is it a cool nickname you blissfully (or is it a coping mechanism?)ignorant douchebag!  Stop with the dirty diddler/sex offender registry leers into the camera and for the love of everything good and decent in the world, don't ever sing a song about love ("Sweet Love") again.  Sweet Jesus that was an abomination.  Ellen couldn't have picked a better time to launch her most critical comments to date with "Oh boy. Why?"  Simon's comment that "the judges critiques are meaningless; you'll smile; people will vote for you; and you'll be here next week" provided laughs but more of an uncomfortable laughter as everyone grasped that Simon was probably correct.
2. Katie "Aguilera" Stevens.  I'm not even sure that I should type what I am actually thinking about this girl and her pathetic performance of the Aretha classic, Chain of Fools."  The fools are the people who keep voting for this girl and validating her as a legitimate performer when she is so clearly not and the Judges/producers who determined that she should even be in the top 24 to begin with.  Okay, so she managed to get through a song without all the pitch issues she normally has and I didn't feel like Bob Uker ("Just a bit outside") while listening but that was seriously not good.  The song choice, performance (random snaps, knee bends and camera looks out the side of her head) and outfit "pleather and lace pants?" had me hoping that Aretha was in the house somewhere and wwas going to rush the stage and drop the hammer on her.  Oh and Katie?  Don't plagarize Crystal (saying she'll listen to only to herself) try emulating her because listening to your own advice isn't helping you.  The only thing I found interesting was that Simon managed to sneek in a Paula reference when he uttered the name "Star Search."
3. Ryan.  Let's chat shall we?  When you are speaking with someone and they tell you that they are moved by  the song that they chose but they don't immediately divuldge the reasons why, that is not a cue for you to waterboard them in an effort to elicit the response you want or to make them cry.  Didi did a fantastic and professional job of answering your question the way she wanted to answer it even through she should have told you to shut your little hobit mouth (that was for you Joel McHale!).  Next time why don't you just punch her in the face?  Grow up Ryan and start acting like a professional again or we'll start a campaign to bring back Dunkelman.  As for Didi's performance her voice wasn't suited for the song but it wasn't terrible.  It wasn't that good but it wasn't terrible.
4. Sorry Siobhan.  Not your week.  I liked your outfit though.
5. Casey sure does play a mean guitar.  Too bad his performances all look and sound the same.  That's not to say that he sounds bad.  He just never strays outside his very small comfort zone.  "Hold on I'm Coming" was just as Ellen described, "Safe, generic, consistent."  What I didn't get was Simon praising him for picking an R&B song.  Note to Simon, that's the theme this week buddy!
6. Aaron please don't even think that you have the talent to sing a Bill Withers song again.  It was clear that you have no idea what that song is about.  You were timid, flat, and out of your league.  Just like the weather around here "Ain't No Sunshine" was not a bright spot.
7. Crystal on piano should have been better than it was.  What I mean by that is that she should have stayed on piano throughout "Midnight Train to Georgia."  Simon was right, lose the backing vocalists next time.  Her voice sounded great I just would have loved for her to play piano for the who song.  
8. Big Mike's "Ready to Love" was for me, his best performance of the season.  Enough said.
9. Andrew!  Welcome back to the competition.  Now, can you string a few of those together is the big question.  I wanted that performance to go on "Forever."  Everything about it was dope.  "Straight Up!!!!"
10. Congratulations Lee.  Despite my desire to throttle you whenever I see your face I have to give you props on your brilliant performance of "Treat Her Like A Lady."  It was by far the best performance of the entire evening.  Not to mention that Usher proclaimed "Wow" after her heard you.  I will also give you props for brushing off Ryan's attempts to elicit sympathy for you by saying you have "walking pneumonia."  Deftly telling Ryan you are fine and then repeating it more strongly when he persisted was the right thing to do.  Let your performance do the talking and the votes will pour in.  

Well, that's all I got.  You can thank the show for being one of the worst ever (I know I said that about last week too), the majority of the singers for selecting songs that were way older then them and not even attempting to make them current, and the fact that work is cutting into my time today for this less than stellar post.  Sorry (big smiles right Tim?) about that.  I'll do better next week. 

UPDATE:

I just stumbled across this photo of an actual screen shot from Dish Network regarding American Idol:

This cracks me up. 

In other news, what the heck was the point of the "backstage cam?"  Can anyone say that they found it enlightening or that it added anything useful to the show?  I can saw with much conviction that I didn't need to see Big Mike with his jacket off or find it necessary to stalk Siobhan with a camera after she was ripped about her performance by the Judges and their inane and longwinded blathering.