Yo, Yo, Yo, Dawg's! I don't know if it's the fact that the weather is gorgeous for the first time in a long time and I'm stuck at my desk in the forsaken city of Malden. Or if I still haven't recovered from the Rolling Ston-ing I received last night by 9 of the Top 12 performances. Or if it's because I'm 5 Guinnesses into my ST. Patrick's Day (I kid....). But I'm just not feeling it today. So for me for me (a new twist on Randy's inane saying) this post isn't going to be my best work. Not that you all will notice since hardly anyone on Idol this season feels the need to come out each week and do their best. Unless by best you mean half-assed.
So America, you got what you wanted. A Top 12 that more resembles an episode of Celebrity D-List whatever (Apprentice, Rehab, Fit-Club, Dancing with the...) then any other season of Idol. Mick Jagger (he is the lead singer of the Stones, right Katie?) was right all those years ago when he said, "You can't always get what you want." This certainly isn't what I wanted and now I will have to suffer through it (or turn the TV off!) until the middle of May to see if any of the four people who have any chance of winning this thing are still left standing at the end. Based on how the
Taking the stage last night, almost all dressing in their rocker best (I know Katie's from a small town in CT but the Little Bo Peep style dress and pumps she was wearing don't equate Rolling Stones now matter how you look at it - all I could think was "Which one of these singers is not like the others?") were "America's" Top 12. I say "America's" because even with a gun pressed to my head I wouldn't have voted Tim, Aaron, Paige, Andrew or some of the other vocally challenged fluff into the Top 24 let alone the Top 12. And I don't really want to be tainted by or associated with the rejects that inhabit the is season's Top 12. If I'm being completely honest....
Ryan opened the show by making reference to the big stage and the may cameras and lights. It appears that the contestants (with the exception of Siobhan, Mike and Lacey) didn't hear him thought as most of them continued to stand stock still (I don't count a side step/knee bend Andrew) in the middle of the stage with their guitars and their scared looks instead of engaging the audience and dare I say it, actually performing?
Sure Big Mike was one of the few who got their groove on and worked the stage but the way he did it left something to be desired. His video package told us that he was a ham as a child and that's what we got last night with "Miss You." A big, salty, sweaty, canned ham. Which probably explains why Randy ("You Slayed it") enjoyed it so much. His falsetto was weird and unnecessary, the R&B feel didn't work with the song and the "dancing?" Did he take lessons from Josh Gracin? If I was at a restuarant and that was what I was served for dinner I'd have sent it back and gone somewhere else for dinner.
After the judges said their piece, Ryan (who apparently spent the weekend watching the UFC) decided to get all up in Cowell's face in an effort to get Mike some constructive criticism. Cowell played it off like he was uncomfortable but he did finally tell Mike where he felt the song went wrong.
Didi decided to "Play with Fire" and managed to not get burned. Probably because the Sway Bots were fanning the flames away from her. It turned out to probably be her best performance of the season. The arrangement was dark and brooding and intense and the whole thing worked perfectly with her voice. I'll agree with Ellen that she was Gr-Ate.
The one track poney named Casey was up next (I detect a guy/girl theme here) with "It's All Ove Now." Those lyrics could be profectic if Casey doesn't get his act together and start doing something other than play his guitar in the middle of the stage while wearing a western style shirt. Casey's bluesy/soulful/rock singing was on target and the song was a great choice but something was missing. And that something was life. Otherwise, Casey was fine but fine isn't going to win it.
Trying out a funky orchestral arrangement on "Ruby Tuesday," Lacey tried her best to engage the audience as she moved across the stage before setteling onto the "Lacey Stair" to finish out her song. This performance had so much potential and it just never materialized. Her vocals were spot on for the most part and it was a whole lot better than several of her past performances. If she manages to hit all the right buttons with her next song choice, she could potentially make the Top 10.
With the quote of the evening, Papa Garcia let the world know "I thought my son would be a custodian." Well, Papa Garcia, he might be headed in that direction based on the mess he left on stage last night. Andrew's "Gimme Shelter" had me searching the covers of my bed for the remote so I could mute the TV. Yes, folks, I DVR the show and watch it in bed. The reason is that 1. I like to be comfortable while watching Idol and taking notes 2. I need to walk my dogs at 9pm otherwise they get as cranky as Simon and 3. I forget what reason 3 is.....Anyway, Andrew didn't gimme anything that I wanted to hear so despite Ellen's claim that it was his best yet, his best just wasn't good enough.
Ryan then flet the need to let the audience know that coming up after the break would be another Stones hit. Really Ryan. We need to be reminded of this? I guess taht besides Didi, the other songs could easily mak us forget that it was Rolling Stones night on Idol but come on dude. Not to mention that the next person up was Easter Sunday Katie. Listen, I too grew up in a small town (argh, John Cugar Mellencamp just popped into my head. GET IT OUT!!!!!) but guess what, I don't use that as an excuse for f'ing things up. Imagine if I did though. "Here's my report boss. What do you mean it looks like a monkey wiped it's butt on some scrap paper and called it a report. Well, in my defense I'm from a small town. Then it's okay? Great!" Doesn't work like that in the real world folks. Here's a question for you Katie. Does your town have a glue factory because that is where your took those "Wild Horses" with your performance. Straight to the glue factory. Those poor horses.
Tim "Marley" brought out his reggae stylings for "Under My Thumb." Tim's desision to go reggae was about as smart a choice as it would be for Eric Massa to go on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. I'm still disgusted by the whole thing. Kara gave him a round of applause for being different. I'll give him a round of applause if he doesn't bother to show up tonight. I'll take Adam's "Ring of Fire" from last season on repeat for 12 hours over 1 more second of what came out of Tim's mouth.
Luckily the bad stench that Tim left on stage was quickly forgotten when Siobhan dropped her amazing rendition of "Paint It Black." With her black boots, stylin/sexy dress, smokey make-up and flashing her Mary Poppin's Tatoo, Siobhan easily stole the show. Her vocals were sick, the arrangement was perfect, she used the whole stage, and she managed to get the whole crowd on their feet. Kara said it was Adam-esque and she was right. Siobhan managed to rise above the refuse that was littering the stage from earlier performances and did in fact shine like a beacon, or as Ellen said, "Snookie's pouf."
Sadly there were several more performances to go. The show should ahve ended with Siobhan, shame on you Idol producers! Proving that lyrics were the "Beast of Burden," Lee soft rocked his way through a Stones classic that should never be treated as soft rock. I was so bored that I almost fell asleep. Not only was Ellen's ascertion that the performance was "like a hospital gown" right on target, it perfectly summs up Lee's problem (aside from his inability to remember and clearly deliver the lyrics each week). He's not a finished product. To utilize his past as a reference, he's like a painter coming into the store and buying 4 gallons of "Cupid's Arrow" even thought he knows the job requires 6 gallons.
The Sway Bots were back for Paige. Singing "Honky Tonk Woman" which was just an awful choice, Paige did what Paige does best. Sucked. Okay, I'll say that her vocals were better then ever this week but everything else about the performance was garbage. She should have utilized the laryngitis and picked "Out of Tears" with lyrics like "I can't shout. I can't scream," or "As Tears Go By." But nope; once again she selects the wrong song. I honestly have no idea what the Judges were hearing but she didn't deserve the praise she got.
Aaron chose "Angie" and while it wasn't great. It wasn't the worst of the night - see Tim, Paige, Andrew. Simon thought it was 100% the right song while Randy said it had "tender moments" My wife just yawned.
Closing the show was Crystal with "You Can't Always Get What You Want." It certainly does encapsulate what we just witnessed. Even Crystal wasn't her normal self and was clearly still in pain over Lilly being voted out. She even wore a feather in her hair in her honor. Crystal sounded good and her guitar playing was solid as usual but the whole performance was lacking that wow factor. She will need to "dig deep" as Simon said if she wants to be standing on the stage in the Kodak singing whatever the awful "victory" song will be this season.
Tonight one of the Top 12 goes home. Who will it be? Could be any one of nine contestants as three are pretty much a lock for the Top 11. We will also get a Ford Commercial and another group number. Plus David Cook, Orianthi and Keysha. Should be a jam packed show.
"Till the Next Goodbye"
~E
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