Mariachi, Orianthi, D. Cook and whatever the %$@*& a Kesha is

Happy Hangover Day!  I do hope that you all enjoyed your day off (if the a-holes get their way, next year there might not be an Evacuation Day holiday for you all) and the gorgeous weather the Northeast is experiencing after the deluge of last week.  I did not get the day off but I will not complain as I am planning a summer getaway right after Idol ends.  This blog is hard work and I will need to lie on a beach somewhere and drink my bodyweight in rum.

But now I must focus on the task at hand and that is providing the world ("It's A Small Worl After All" as there are only about 18 people that read this thing) with a recap of last evenings American Idol results. 

There's a saying, "Save the Best for Last," that Idol has frequently adhered to throught it's 9 season on the air.  They have consistantly booked the biggest and best guests for the final few episodes and they genuinly go all out for the final 4 contestants with respect to production value.  So it struck me as a curious decision that the producers started off the show with Season 7 winner David Cook and ended the show with something called a Kesha.  Yes I am aware that's not how she spells her name but if she can go out on stage looking like she just dumpster dived out back of Forever 21; sprayed herself in the face while huffing glitter spray; and then mugged an "extra" at Mohegan Sun all while trying to impersonate Lady Gaga (and not doing a good job of it) and gargling marbles, then I do not find it necessary to spell her idiotic name the way she like to.  If the Judges and producers had thought about it for one moment it might have occurred to them that a great lesson could have been learned by the remaining 11 contestants if they had put David Cook on last.  You see, David Cook actually understands how to manipulate the Idol stage to showcase his strenghts and minimize his weaknesses.  He also knows how to rock a venue as evidenced by his Season 7 victorey over easy listening David Fartuletta.  Performing the Stones "Jumping Jack Flash,"  Cook did just that, he cooked.  Not only did he look great but he was in tune and somehow managed to engage the audience all while playing a mean guitar and not venturing out from behind the mic.  The latter being a skill that Casey, Lee, Andrew, Tim, Crystal, and Didi have yet to discover but hopefully took notes on.  Heck, even the guitar riffing goddess from Australia, Orianthi understands how to use the stage, even if she still needs to work on her vocals and write better songs.  I can only imagine that being known as "Michael jackson's guitarist" on a tour that never happened will only carry her career so much further.  If she doesn't get better as a singer, "This Is It" for her.

I'd be curious to hear if the Judges would have used their "Judges Save" on either Orianthi or Kesha.  Me thinks they would have passed.  Speaking of the "Judges Save" aka "Kick'em While Their Down."  Ryan announced that once again the Judges will have the opportunity to "save" a "worthy" contestant from elimination by the voting public.  Somewhat of an odd concept considering the voting public doesn't get a save when the Judges %$&# up and put crap singers through to the Top 24.  Where's our save?  Huh?  Why don't you huddle on that one Fox and 19 Entertainment?  So how it "allegedly" works is that up until the Top 5, the Judges can opt to save a contestant that has been voted out by America but only if the decision is unanimous or in other words, unless the producers have determined that a particular individual must remain on tv for the purposes of furthering their agenda and lining their pockets with more corporate sponsor cash and text vote dollars. I'd be willing to bet that Aaron would have been saved last night if it was he who had been voted out.....

As it were Aaron was not in the first of the season's dreaded "Bottom Three."  The three Silver Stools of Doom were shining like beacons on the shore during a storm of mediocre singing and like the Sirens from Homer's Odyssey, they were calling to their prey.  Not wasting any time, Ryan asked Paige to stand up first and quickly dispatched her to the very first stool.  Ryan then askes Lee to stand and sends him to safety.  The same fate awaited Aaron and Siobhan who were quickly told they were sticking around for another week.  That left Andrew and Tim in the back row for Ryan to torment before sending one or both of them to safety.  And torture them Ryan did.  First he disparaged their songs and performances then he asked Kara if she felt either deserved to potentially go home.  In a rare moment of clarity and good sense, Kara ripped them both by saying that based on their performances the previous night, they both belonged in the bottom 3.  She then told them both that it "wasn't good."  Why can't they give such clear and targeted feedback after every performance?  Ryan then pauses for about 10 seconds before telling Andrew that his time is not up and that it is Tim who is in the bottom 3.  Tim doesn't seem surprised and frankly he shouldn't be.  In fact he might as well have his name engraved on one of the stools because he's going to be there again often.

Before I move on I want to mention the Ford commercial.  As far as these things go, that one wasn't half bad.  I found myself very interested in seeing the designs that each contestant created and thought that Lacey, Crystal, Lee and Siobhan had the most interesting and appropriate ones.  Well at leats that I could tell from the few seconds that they allowed the finished products to be shown.  I will have to go to the website to take a closer look and see if I still feel the same way.  I also wonder how each of the Judges would have designed the cars?  And one more thing.  A few posts ago I lamented the fact that Toyota wasn't the sponsor instead of Ford because of all the possibilities....and what do you know, last night the song for the commercial is "Tick Tick Boom."  Seriously, these spots practically write themselves!  

Forging ahead, Ryan moves to the front row and has Didi stand up to learn her fate.  For anyone who's watched the show, it wasn't a surprise that she was safe.  There was no chance that the last stool was going to be filled that quickly.  Crystal was deemed safe next but only after Ryan attempted to stir up things by rehashing the belief that Crystal looks as if she's got the win in the bag.  What's the point Ryan?  Crystal did a great job trying to diffuse the issue on Tuesday so why try it again?  Crystal once again provides a brilliant answer and even manages to zing Simon in the process.  And what does the cranky Brit do?  He winks at her.  The fix is in!!!!!!

In the first big surprise of the night (at least in my opinion) Ryan asks Katie to stand with 3 other contestants still to go.  Could it be?  Is she actually safe?  Before we get to find out, Ryan goes to the Judges to get their imput on what Katie's troubles are and how she can fix them given all the conflicting advice she has received so far.  In typical Idol fashion, Kara tells her to focus on R&B; Simon tells Kara she's an idiot and tells Katie she should go Country - or what's refered to as "the Gokey"; Ellen suggests mariachi to great laughs and Randy wakes up from his nap just in time to yell out salsa.  Was he referring to the style of music/dance or was he calling for a condiment for the bag of chips he had hidden under the table?  We will never know.  Regardless (see it is possible to use this word correctly and not refer to it as irregardless which isn't a word and just makes the user look like a an uneducated j@ck@ss) of the Judges comments Katie won't last much longer unless she has her "moment" next week as she is safe.

Big Mike is chastized for his dancing but comes out smelling like a big 'ol rose as Ryan tells him he's safe for another week.  Which brings us to the very unlikely pairing of Casey and Lacey.  Unlikely in that there was no drama because nobody thought that Casey was in any danger of being in the Bottom 3 and they were right as Ryan sent Lacey to join Paige and Tim on the Silver Stools of Doom. 

Before Kesha has the opportunity to defile the stage and make me question the longevity of the show, Ryan asks the Ellen if any one of the three is worth using the save for and she hesitates and hems and haws befrore issuing a very tentative and half-hearted yes?  Simon says yes and it isn't too hard to figure out her isn't referring to Lacey or Tim.  Ryan mercifly decides to send Tim to safety, leaving Paige and Lacey to sweat it out till the 10 o'clock hour.  It's the hideous and unnecessary raspberry beret vs. the huge flower/feather.  Perhaps Kesha gave them to them before the show?

Since I've already touched on Kesha, all I will say is "Blah Blah Blah," and don't ever book her again.

Ryan then has Paige and Lacey join him at center stage.  Lacey gets the bad news and decides to sing Brandi Carlile's "The Story" from a few weeks ago.  While she does a really good job with the song, the Judges "huddle" and determine unanimously that she will indeed go home.  So long Lacey, I'll see you on Ellen in a week or so (Lilly and Alex were both on this week)!

One down 11 more to go.  Next week the Top 11 will perform songs from "Teen Idols."  What exactly that means, I do not know.  It could be anyone from Ryan's obsession Justin Bieber to Britney Spears to Leif Garrett or David Cassidy.  Heck, even JT or NKOTB.  We will have to wait and see on Tuesday or check iTunes to see what songs are on the song list Idol posts each week.    

Current Standings (with who we picked to go home)
Eric -- 7 (Lacey)
David -- 6 (Andrew)
Yolanda -- 6 (Tim)
Scott -- 5 (Katie)
Emily -- 5 (Lacey)
Kristen -- 4 (Andrew)
Jon -- 4 (Katie)
Mary M. -- 4 (Tim)
Lois -- 4 (Andrew)
Betty -- 3 (Andrew)
Jeff -- 3 (nobody)
April -- 2 (Tim)
Shannon -- 2 (Andrew)
Mary W. -- 2
Margret -- 0