The Votes Are In

Here we go.  Everyone (well everyone except for Margret who hasn't voted all season obviously in protest to Season 9 sucking) got their votes in so here are the results:

Voting for Katie Stevens:  Scott, Emily and David
Voting for Tim Urban:  Kristen, Shannon, Jon, Mary W., Lois, Mary M., and Yolanda
Voting for Didi Benami:  April, Betty, Jeff and Eric

Thank Goodness We Don't Have Smell-O-Vision

I honestly don't know what to say about R&B/Soul night on Idol other than Usher was one of the best "mentor's" in a long while.  Besides a few gerat comments from Ellen and Simon and one fantastic performance from Lee, the rest of the show was a vast wasteland of stinking, rotting garbage.

To back up my point, April was so horrified by what she was watching that she sent me 2 texts ranting and railing about it.  Cudos (not to be confused with the delicious snack Kudos!) to you April!  Your comments were on point and I felt your pain.

Since last night was Top 10 night and I am severly pressed for time (curse you stupid work!!!!!!) I will sum up my thoughts in a tidy little Top 10 of my own.  Here it goes:

1. "Teflon Tim" is not a compliment nor is it a cool nickname you blissfully (or is it a coping mechanism?)ignorant douchebag!  Stop with the dirty diddler/sex offender registry leers into the camera and for the love of everything good and decent in the world, don't ever sing a song about love ("Sweet Love") again.  Sweet Jesus that was an abomination.  Ellen couldn't have picked a better time to launch her most critical comments to date with "Oh boy. Why?"  Simon's comment that "the judges critiques are meaningless; you'll smile; people will vote for you; and you'll be here next week" provided laughs but more of an uncomfortable laughter as everyone grasped that Simon was probably correct.
2. Katie "Aguilera" Stevens.  I'm not even sure that I should type what I am actually thinking about this girl and her pathetic performance of the Aretha classic, Chain of Fools."  The fools are the people who keep voting for this girl and validating her as a legitimate performer when she is so clearly not and the Judges/producers who determined that she should even be in the top 24 to begin with.  Okay, so she managed to get through a song without all the pitch issues she normally has and I didn't feel like Bob Uker ("Just a bit outside") while listening but that was seriously not good.  The song choice, performance (random snaps, knee bends and camera looks out the side of her head) and outfit "pleather and lace pants?" had me hoping that Aretha was in the house somewhere and wwas going to rush the stage and drop the hammer on her.  Oh and Katie?  Don't plagarize Crystal (saying she'll listen to only to herself) try emulating her because listening to your own advice isn't helping you.  The only thing I found interesting was that Simon managed to sneek in a Paula reference when he uttered the name "Star Search."
3. Ryan.  Let's chat shall we?  When you are speaking with someone and they tell you that they are moved by  the song that they chose but they don't immediately divuldge the reasons why, that is not a cue for you to waterboard them in an effort to elicit the response you want or to make them cry.  Didi did a fantastic and professional job of answering your question the way she wanted to answer it even through she should have told you to shut your little hobit mouth (that was for you Joel McHale!).  Next time why don't you just punch her in the face?  Grow up Ryan and start acting like a professional again or we'll start a campaign to bring back Dunkelman.  As for Didi's performance her voice wasn't suited for the song but it wasn't terrible.  It wasn't that good but it wasn't terrible.
4. Sorry Siobhan.  Not your week.  I liked your outfit though.
5. Casey sure does play a mean guitar.  Too bad his performances all look and sound the same.  That's not to say that he sounds bad.  He just never strays outside his very small comfort zone.  "Hold on I'm Coming" was just as Ellen described, "Safe, generic, consistent."  What I didn't get was Simon praising him for picking an R&B song.  Note to Simon, that's the theme this week buddy!
6. Aaron please don't even think that you have the talent to sing a Bill Withers song again.  It was clear that you have no idea what that song is about.  You were timid, flat, and out of your league.  Just like the weather around here "Ain't No Sunshine" was not a bright spot.
7. Crystal on piano should have been better than it was.  What I mean by that is that she should have stayed on piano throughout "Midnight Train to Georgia."  Simon was right, lose the backing vocalists next time.  Her voice sounded great I just would have loved for her to play piano for the who song.  
8. Big Mike's "Ready to Love" was for me, his best performance of the season.  Enough said.
9. Andrew!  Welcome back to the competition.  Now, can you string a few of those together is the big question.  I wanted that performance to go on "Forever."  Everything about it was dope.  "Straight Up!!!!"
10. Congratulations Lee.  Despite my desire to throttle you whenever I see your face I have to give you props on your brilliant performance of "Treat Her Like A Lady."  It was by far the best performance of the entire evening.  Not to mention that Usher proclaimed "Wow" after her heard you.  I will also give you props for brushing off Ryan's attempts to elicit sympathy for you by saying you have "walking pneumonia."  Deftly telling Ryan you are fine and then repeating it more strongly when he persisted was the right thing to do.  Let your performance do the talking and the votes will pour in.  

Well, that's all I got.  You can thank the show for being one of the worst ever (I know I said that about last week too), the majority of the singers for selecting songs that were way older then them and not even attempting to make them current, and the fact that work is cutting into my time today for this less than stellar post.  Sorry (big smiles right Tim?) about that.  I'll do better next week. 

UPDATE:

I just stumbled across this photo of an actual screen shot from Dish Network regarding American Idol:

This cracks me up. 

In other news, what the heck was the point of the "backstage cam?"  Can anyone say that they found it enlightening or that it added anything useful to the show?  I can saw with much conviction that I didn't need to see Big Mike with his jacket off or find it necessary to stalk Siobhan with a camera after she was ripped about her performance by the Judges and their inane and longwinded blathering. 

Time to turn the Paige

Raise your hand if you were surprised by Paige getting the boot last night?  Okay Shannon, you can put your hand down now.  I jest of course.  The way that things have been playing out on American Idol this season this should have come as a surprise to everyone.  I say this because for the first time in Season 9, the worst singer on Tuesday night was voted out on Wednesday.  Shocking!  The reality of the situation is that Paige probably shouldn't have even made the Top 12 and at the very least she should have been voted out last week instead of Lacey.  Of all the girls (with Katie running a very close second) Paige has been consistantly bad vocally, on stage and with her song selection over the past three to four weeks.  But since America votes for their favorite singer and not for the most talented singer each week Paige made it as far as she did and the likes of Andrew, Tim and Katie are now in the Top 10 and will be disgracing a local arena near you this summer.  Yeah......

As I am severly pressed for time today I will just hit a few highlights of the show:

1. The producers amped up the drama and production value of the results show opening in an effort to distract from the fact that this season is a total stinker and that Tuesday night's show was the worst ever.  And because the singing is so freakin absymal.
2. Yes, we get it.  The Top 10 get to go on tour.  The contestants might not be able to process the information that is constantly thrown at them but the viewing public can.  Stop beating us over the head with "the top 10 make the tour!"  Nobody wants to see or hear 6 of the people in the damn Top 10 anyway!
3. Ryan doesn't reveal how many votes were cast. Probably because it is a dismal number.
4. Katie begs the public to vote for her so she can go on tour.
5. George Michael will most likely be going on another drug bender if he witnessed the group lip-sync defiling of his (WHAM's) seminal hit "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go."  I don't blame him.
6. Lee continue's to morph into Fonzie.  Aaaaaaaaaaa!
7. Didi trips during the group number, stops singing and just laughs.  Sadly, that was the best part of the whole thing.
8. Glee is back on April 13th!  I'd love to see a Sue's Corner about Idol!  I think I'll e-mail her and suggest it.
9. ''Siobhan-bies''!
10. Katie's dad drinks as a result of her being on the show and as a coping mechanism on results night.  Is that the real reason?  It couldn't be her song choices and singing prowess could it?
11. Mike sporting a Baby Bjorn!  He probably should have worn it during the group number.  It would have brought something interesting to the debacle.
12. Miley proves once again how utterly useless she is by proclaiming that Tim's slide was awesome.  
13. Simon tells Kara to shut up and stop booing him!
14. Ryan discussing the differing points of view of the Judges (Simon and Kara specifically) and then asking Crystal who she will listen to is she gets through.  Crystal quickly responds, "Me"!
15. Andrew not being in the bottom 3?  How is this possible?  Oh right.  Katie's still here.
16. Katie being in the bottom 3 but quickly being sent to safety.  Katie's dad falls off his stool but doesn't spill his 7th Scotch and Soda.
17. Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato make a cute couple.  They don't make sweet sweet music together though.  That song was vile!!!!
18. Paige and Tim are the bottom 2.  Ironic that their singing and song choices are more like #2.
19. Simon tells Paige that no matter what she does on stage she not going to be saved.  Ryan unnecessarily asks Simon if it is a unanimous decision.  Simon says 100%. 
20. Next weeks theme is Soul/R&B with musical guest/mentor Usher.  Not exactly a highlight though.

I highly recommend reading Michael Slezak's recap: http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20312226_20354530,00.html

Also, please feel free to comment on the posts as your insights and views are also welcomed and appreciated!

Current Standings (with who we picked to go home)


Eric -- 9 (Paige)
David -- 8 (Paige)
Yolanda -- 8 (Paige)
Scott -- 7 (Paige)
Emily -- 7 (Paige)
Kristen -- 6 (Paige)
Mary M. -- 6 (Paige)
Lois -- 6 (Paige)
Betty -- 5 (Paige)
April -- 4 (Paige)
Mary W. -- 4(Paige)
Jon -- 4 (No Vote)
Jeff -- 3 (No Vote)
Shannon -- 2 (Andrew)
Margret -- 0 (No Vote)

Huey Lewis and the Snooze

Idol threw us a curveball last night by switching up the theme from the previously announced Teen Idols to #1 Songs from Billboards Hot 100.  This change should have afforded the Top 11 a golden opportunity to select a great song as they had a catalogue of number 1 hits from 1958 to the present  to choose from.  Instead of an evening of amazing songs we were once again subjected to an evening of pitchy garbage and copycat cruiseship/bad karaoke bar performances. 

From my previous posts, you all know that I loathe Miley Cyrus and the fact that she looks and sounds (at least to me) just like this:

Imagine my surprise then when the worst thing about last nights show wasn't Miley (cue the "It's Miley" sound clip from The Soup!) Cyrus, but the singing and song selection of 9 of the Top 11.  The show was so bad in fact that I really have nothing to say about it (yeah right!).  With the exception of Crystal and to some degree Siobhan, the rest of the show was so horrific I wouldn't be surprised if iTunes refuses to put the songs up for sale. 

I am so disappointed in Season 9 and honestly can't wait for it to end.  And that makes me sad.  The Top 10 Tour will surely contain three of the following horrid singers, Paige, Tim, Katie and Andrew (whoever isn't cut tonight).  Does anyone else feel that calling the tour The Top 10 of Americal Idol rings of false advertisement?  Will anyone actually shell out money to see this years tour?  I know I won't.  If I want pitchy, I'll go stand in a pine forest - at least that won't cost me money and give me a headache or make my ears bleed.

It was obvious that the evening was going to suck right from the start.  No sooner had I settled down on my awsome love seat

with my gorgeous wife and crazy dogs (yes we all manage to pile onto that one seat) that things took a turn for the worse and continued to circle around the toilet bowl for the next 2 hours before finally being flushed out into the sewer system at roughly 10pm.  Holy crap! 

Lee started things off with "The Letter."  If Lee fancies himself the rocker of the group, then he needs to step up his game.  It was oldfashioned, boring, and just as Simon said "corney."  The whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth.  Note to Lee, please watch the following:

That is how you make a song from 1967 sound contemporary. 

Okay, so not the greatest start in the world but it could only get better, right?  WRONG!!!!!  Seriously, what chucklehead decided that Paige Miles "Against All Odds" was a brilliant 2nd act for the show?  Don't these people listen to the run throughs before the show?  What an aptly named song for such an untalented singer.  It was certainly against all odds that Paige was going to perform well and redeem herself in the competition.  Did it not occur to her that she shouldn't be singing a song with the lyrics "Take a look at me know, there's just an empty space, there's nothing left here...?"  Oh and I use the term "singing" very loosly.  Even her video clip was boring.  Randy called it "honestly terrible;" Ellen refused to comment on her vocals; Kara spoke the truth by telling her that it was "your worst vocal to date and possibly the worst vocal all season;" and Simon finished her off by telling her that she was in serious trouble.  And she just might be in trouble if it weren't for Tim "Slip "n Slide" Urban.

Did anyone catch his cutaway before the commercial break?  Just in case you were still tucked in the fetal position and rocking back and forth on the floor as a result of Paige's vocal stylings, I'll try and recreate the image:  Tim, with his moptop (no disrespect to the young Beatles) and silver/grey sport jacket, he looked straight into the camers, winked, finger-snapped and gave his best "dirty diddler hanging around by himself outside a Chuck E Cheese on a Saturday perv smile" as Ryan announced that he would be "molesting" Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love."  All I could think was, this would make a great SNL segment of "Really? with Seth Myers and whoever he wanted as a guest."  Based on the fact that it is Queen, I'd suggest Nathan Lane as a guest as that would make for great commentary on what was about to transpire.  Really?  Tim you think that you are even in the same league as Freddie Mercury?  Really?  Freddie was a showman and you my friend are no showman.  Unless the show in question is an audition to play a child preditor in a Lifetime  movie.  He somehow evoked a Jon Peter Lewis-esque quality as he was bouncing around on stage which didn't help matters.  The best part of the whole segment was not Randy saying that the "slide was the dopest part," but rather Ellen exclaiming that "lots of poeple love you and therefore will love that, and then there's poeple like me."  She didn't enev need to say anything else as it was clear from the look on her face that she was appalled by what just transpired.  When Ryan asked him why he chose that song, Tim proudly proclaimed that he "wanted to have fun."  

Laryngitis and tonsillitis couldn't keep Aaron from performing "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith.  I would ahve preferred to miss the whole thing but that's just me.  Looking like he was headed to 3rd period art class to make something out of papier mache for his mom for Mother's Day or Easter, Aaron, who was still all worked up from hugging his crush, Miley, managed to sound alright and delivered the best performance of the night thus far.  Not hard considering.  As Simon said, he has "zero chance of going home" tonight, despite Ryan referring to him as Archuleta which I started doing weeks ago.  Get your own material Ryan! 

Who else has zero chance of going home tonight?  That would be the lone bright spot in an otherwise dreadful evening.  I'm of course referring to Crystal Bowersox.  With her wonderfully perfect rendition of Janis Joplin's "Me and Bobby McGee," Crystal reclaimed the top spot as the one to beat this season.  Everything about the performance was a pleasure from her outfit and hair, her sparkling vocals and guitar playing right down to use of a rug to add ambiance to her 90 seconds on stage.  The only negative thing about the whole performance was when the camera panned the audience and focused in on some dude with massive pit stains.  Otherwise, as Simon said, "Don't change a thing" Crystal and you'll be right there in the final 2.

Big Mike tried to redeem the Guys with his take on "When A Man Loves A Woman." It was safe, boring, and loungy just as the Judges said.  What bothers me the most about Mike is his David Archuleta like obsessive liking of his lips.  It bugged the you know what out of me in Season 7 and it's reared it's ugly head again.  This is a trait that is most commonly associated with OCD or Touretts not multi-platinum recording stars.  Not to say that someone with either affliction couldn't be a recording star....or to quote Seinfeld "Not that there's anything wrong with that!"  If he's not careful, this may occur during a performance:

 

As a mentor, I feel that Miley should have taken it a step further when she told Andrew to lose the guitar and also told him to lose his song choice as well.  It should be glaringly obvious to him (as it is to all of us) by now that he can't possibly pull off singing anything by Marvin Gaye, let alone "I Head It Through the Grapevine."  Yet there he was "sucking the soul" out of yet another classic hit and "torturing it" on live television.  What happened to Andrew and all the promise he held during auditions?  And why in the world was he channelling Vanilla Ice during his performance?  Everything about it was offputting and smelly, much like a chinese restaurant dumpster that's been sitting in the hot sun for days.  If not Paige or Tim, Andrew could be the one left out of the cash cow Top 10 Tour.  Oh poor us....whatever will we do without him being able to perform "Straight Up" on the tour?  Andrew also continued the theme of contestants saying that that wanted to "have fun" on stage.  What about us?  What about making it fun for the audience?  Shouldn't we have fun when you perform Andrew?  Cause it ain't happening!  

To make matters even worse, Katie "Greese Lightnin" Stevens took the stage right after Andrew.  Wearing a pleather jacket, graphic tee, hot pink suspenders and tight jeans, Katie attempted to keep things fresh and young with Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry."  As the only contestant to choose a current song, I have to give Katie props.  Was it a great performance?  Of course not, this is Katie we're talking about here.  She was monetone throughout and seemed to be fighting against the song the whole time.  It's her voice that's the issue.  No matter what she does, she sounds old.  Simon is correct that the best market for her is Country as the tone of her voice lends itself to that type of music.  But at least she tried to be contemporary and current and didn't pick a song that is 25 years older than she is like everyone else did.

Casey "I'm a big fan of your dad" James went Back to the Future and still managed to impersonate Huey Lewis.  80's cover band is right!  Not a good performance unless you count his guitar playing which was surperb.  The rest was not good and although he will be safe tonight, he's slipping closer to the bottom ranks of the Guys.

I'm going to have to disagree with the Judges on Didi's "You're No Good."  I actually thought it was one of her better performances.  She utilized the stage; her vocals were fairly solid; the song choice was not bad; and she showed a playful side after last weeks "deep thoughts."  I also give her credit for telling the Judges that she has many layers and she doesn't want to just show one.  

Siobhan was afforded the pimp slot and sadly, she didn't bring her A game.  She still managed to best the other nine competitors and place a respectible 2nd to Crystal for the evening.  I didn't get the hair, the song choice "Superstition," or the need to scream at the end of the song.  If she had come out and done the opposite of what she did, it could have been amazing.  That being said, even Adam Lambert had off nights ("Ring of Fire" didn't play well to the Judges either).  

So which of these four (Paige, Katie, Tim or Andrew) will make up the bottom 3?  Will there be a surprise such as Didi or Casey or Aaron mixed in there?  Tune in tonight to find out!

~E           

            

     

Do you hear that flushing shound? Because I do!

At approximately 3:20pm (because that's when I found out) on Monday, March 22, 2010, Season 9 of American Idol was removed from life support and officially pronounced dead.  The cause of death has been attributed to mediocre singing and the announcement that Miley Cyrus will be a guest mentor on Tuesday's show.

I don't even know what to say about this.  All I know is that I'd rather get waterboarded or shot in the face by Dick Cheney than suffer through 2 hours of Miley Cyrus on Tuesday and her performance on the results show on Wednesday.

This get my first ever Golden HUA Award! 

Mariachi, Orianthi, D. Cook and whatever the %$@*& a Kesha is

Happy Hangover Day!  I do hope that you all enjoyed your day off (if the a-holes get their way, next year there might not be an Evacuation Day holiday for you all) and the gorgeous weather the Northeast is experiencing after the deluge of last week.  I did not get the day off but I will not complain as I am planning a summer getaway right after Idol ends.  This blog is hard work and I will need to lie on a beach somewhere and drink my bodyweight in rum.

But now I must focus on the task at hand and that is providing the world ("It's A Small Worl After All" as there are only about 18 people that read this thing) with a recap of last evenings American Idol results. 

There's a saying, "Save the Best for Last," that Idol has frequently adhered to throught it's 9 season on the air.  They have consistantly booked the biggest and best guests for the final few episodes and they genuinly go all out for the final 4 contestants with respect to production value.  So it struck me as a curious decision that the producers started off the show with Season 7 winner David Cook and ended the show with something called a Kesha.  Yes I am aware that's not how she spells her name but if she can go out on stage looking like she just dumpster dived out back of Forever 21; sprayed herself in the face while huffing glitter spray; and then mugged an "extra" at Mohegan Sun all while trying to impersonate Lady Gaga (and not doing a good job of it) and gargling marbles, then I do not find it necessary to spell her idiotic name the way she like to.  If the Judges and producers had thought about it for one moment it might have occurred to them that a great lesson could have been learned by the remaining 11 contestants if they had put David Cook on last.  You see, David Cook actually understands how to manipulate the Idol stage to showcase his strenghts and minimize his weaknesses.  He also knows how to rock a venue as evidenced by his Season 7 victorey over easy listening David Fartuletta.  Performing the Stones "Jumping Jack Flash,"  Cook did just that, he cooked.  Not only did he look great but he was in tune and somehow managed to engage the audience all while playing a mean guitar and not venturing out from behind the mic.  The latter being a skill that Casey, Lee, Andrew, Tim, Crystal, and Didi have yet to discover but hopefully took notes on.  Heck, even the guitar riffing goddess from Australia, Orianthi understands how to use the stage, even if she still needs to work on her vocals and write better songs.  I can only imagine that being known as "Michael jackson's guitarist" on a tour that never happened will only carry her career so much further.  If she doesn't get better as a singer, "This Is It" for her.

I'd be curious to hear if the Judges would have used their "Judges Save" on either Orianthi or Kesha.  Me thinks they would have passed.  Speaking of the "Judges Save" aka "Kick'em While Their Down."  Ryan announced that once again the Judges will have the opportunity to "save" a "worthy" contestant from elimination by the voting public.  Somewhat of an odd concept considering the voting public doesn't get a save when the Judges %$&# up and put crap singers through to the Top 24.  Where's our save?  Huh?  Why don't you huddle on that one Fox and 19 Entertainment?  So how it "allegedly" works is that up until the Top 5, the Judges can opt to save a contestant that has been voted out by America but only if the decision is unanimous or in other words, unless the producers have determined that a particular individual must remain on tv for the purposes of furthering their agenda and lining their pockets with more corporate sponsor cash and text vote dollars. I'd be willing to bet that Aaron would have been saved last night if it was he who had been voted out.....

As it were Aaron was not in the first of the season's dreaded "Bottom Three."  The three Silver Stools of Doom were shining like beacons on the shore during a storm of mediocre singing and like the Sirens from Homer's Odyssey, they were calling to their prey.  Not wasting any time, Ryan asked Paige to stand up first and quickly dispatched her to the very first stool.  Ryan then askes Lee to stand and sends him to safety.  The same fate awaited Aaron and Siobhan who were quickly told they were sticking around for another week.  That left Andrew and Tim in the back row for Ryan to torment before sending one or both of them to safety.  And torture them Ryan did.  First he disparaged their songs and performances then he asked Kara if she felt either deserved to potentially go home.  In a rare moment of clarity and good sense, Kara ripped them both by saying that based on their performances the previous night, they both belonged in the bottom 3.  She then told them both that it "wasn't good."  Why can't they give such clear and targeted feedback after every performance?  Ryan then pauses for about 10 seconds before telling Andrew that his time is not up and that it is Tim who is in the bottom 3.  Tim doesn't seem surprised and frankly he shouldn't be.  In fact he might as well have his name engraved on one of the stools because he's going to be there again often.

Before I move on I want to mention the Ford commercial.  As far as these things go, that one wasn't half bad.  I found myself very interested in seeing the designs that each contestant created and thought that Lacey, Crystal, Lee and Siobhan had the most interesting and appropriate ones.  Well at leats that I could tell from the few seconds that they allowed the finished products to be shown.  I will have to go to the website to take a closer look and see if I still feel the same way.  I also wonder how each of the Judges would have designed the cars?  And one more thing.  A few posts ago I lamented the fact that Toyota wasn't the sponsor instead of Ford because of all the possibilities....and what do you know, last night the song for the commercial is "Tick Tick Boom."  Seriously, these spots practically write themselves!  

Forging ahead, Ryan moves to the front row and has Didi stand up to learn her fate.  For anyone who's watched the show, it wasn't a surprise that she was safe.  There was no chance that the last stool was going to be filled that quickly.  Crystal was deemed safe next but only after Ryan attempted to stir up things by rehashing the belief that Crystal looks as if she's got the win in the bag.  What's the point Ryan?  Crystal did a great job trying to diffuse the issue on Tuesday so why try it again?  Crystal once again provides a brilliant answer and even manages to zing Simon in the process.  And what does the cranky Brit do?  He winks at her.  The fix is in!!!!!!

In the first big surprise of the night (at least in my opinion) Ryan asks Katie to stand with 3 other contestants still to go.  Could it be?  Is she actually safe?  Before we get to find out, Ryan goes to the Judges to get their imput on what Katie's troubles are and how she can fix them given all the conflicting advice she has received so far.  In typical Idol fashion, Kara tells her to focus on R&B; Simon tells Kara she's an idiot and tells Katie she should go Country - or what's refered to as "the Gokey"; Ellen suggests mariachi to great laughs and Randy wakes up from his nap just in time to yell out salsa.  Was he referring to the style of music/dance or was he calling for a condiment for the bag of chips he had hidden under the table?  We will never know.  Regardless (see it is possible to use this word correctly and not refer to it as irregardless which isn't a word and just makes the user look like a an uneducated j@ck@ss) of the Judges comments Katie won't last much longer unless she has her "moment" next week as she is safe.

Big Mike is chastized for his dancing but comes out smelling like a big 'ol rose as Ryan tells him he's safe for another week.  Which brings us to the very unlikely pairing of Casey and Lacey.  Unlikely in that there was no drama because nobody thought that Casey was in any danger of being in the Bottom 3 and they were right as Ryan sent Lacey to join Paige and Tim on the Silver Stools of Doom. 

Before Kesha has the opportunity to defile the stage and make me question the longevity of the show, Ryan asks the Ellen if any one of the three is worth using the save for and she hesitates and hems and haws befrore issuing a very tentative and half-hearted yes?  Simon says yes and it isn't too hard to figure out her isn't referring to Lacey or Tim.  Ryan mercifly decides to send Tim to safety, leaving Paige and Lacey to sweat it out till the 10 o'clock hour.  It's the hideous and unnecessary raspberry beret vs. the huge flower/feather.  Perhaps Kesha gave them to them before the show?

Since I've already touched on Kesha, all I will say is "Blah Blah Blah," and don't ever book her again.

Ryan then has Paige and Lacey join him at center stage.  Lacey gets the bad news and decides to sing Brandi Carlile's "The Story" from a few weeks ago.  While she does a really good job with the song, the Judges "huddle" and determine unanimously that she will indeed go home.  So long Lacey, I'll see you on Ellen in a week or so (Lilly and Alex were both on this week)!

One down 11 more to go.  Next week the Top 11 will perform songs from "Teen Idols."  What exactly that means, I do not know.  It could be anyone from Ryan's obsession Justin Bieber to Britney Spears to Leif Garrett or David Cassidy.  Heck, even JT or NKOTB.  We will have to wait and see on Tuesday or check iTunes to see what songs are on the song list Idol posts each week.    

Current Standings (with who we picked to go home)
Eric -- 7 (Lacey)
David -- 6 (Andrew)
Yolanda -- 6 (Tim)
Scott -- 5 (Katie)
Emily -- 5 (Lacey)
Kristen -- 4 (Andrew)
Jon -- 4 (Katie)
Mary M. -- 4 (Tim)
Lois -- 4 (Andrew)
Betty -- 3 (Andrew)
Jeff -- 3 (nobody)
April -- 2 (Tim)
Shannon -- 2 (Andrew)
Mary W. -- 2
Margret -- 0                

There Can Be Only One

Who will win it all on Season 9 of American Idol?  Here is everyone's guess and the additional points they have decided to bet on their pick winning it all. 
Contestant           Pick                 Points
David                    Didi                     4
April                     Crystal                 3
Scott                    Crystal                  4
Kristen                 Siobhan                4
Eric                      Siobhan               5
Shannon               Siobhan               0
Emily                   Siobhan                2
Jon                      Siobhan                5
Lois                     Mike                    2
Mary M.              Lee                      2
Betty                    Siobhan               3
Mary W.              Didi                     5
Jeff                       Mike                   1
Yolanda               Siobhan               0
Margret               Nobody               0

Don't know about you but I didn't get what I wanted

Sorry for the delay, I was in traffic/Chelmsford all morning.

Yo, Yo, Yo, Dawg's!  I don't know if it's the fact that the weather is gorgeous for the first time in a long time and I'm stuck at my desk in the forsaken city of Malden.  Or if I still haven't recovered from the Rolling Ston-ing I received last night by 9 of the Top 12 performances.  Or if it's because I'm 5 Guinnesses into my ST. Patrick's Day (I kid....).  But I'm just not feeling it today.  So for me for me (a new twist on Randy's inane saying) this post isn't going to be my best work.  Not that you all will notice since hardly anyone on Idol this season feels the need to come out each week and do their best.  Unless by best you mean half-assed. 

So America, you got what you wanted.  A Top 12 that more resembles an episode of Celebrity D-List whatever (Apprentice, Rehab, Fit-Club, Dancing with the...) then any other season of Idol.  Mick Jagger (he is the lead singer of the Stones, right Katie?) was right all those years ago when he said, "You can't always get what you want."  This certainly isn't what I wanted and now I will have to suffer through it (or turn the TV off!) until the middle of May to see if any of the four people who have any chance of winning this thing are still left standing at the end.  Based on how the idiots Idolites out there have been voting I'm not all that certain that any of the four I think deserve to be there at the end will make it into the Top 6.  But that's my opinion, I welcome your's. 

Taking the stage last night, almost all dressing in their rocker best (I know Katie's from a small town in CT but the Little Bo Peep style dress and pumps she was wearing don't equate Rolling Stones now matter how you look at it - all I could think was "Which one of these singers is not like the others?") were "America's" Top 12.  I say "America's" because even with a gun pressed to my head I wouldn't have voted Tim, Aaron, Paige, Andrew or some of the other vocally challenged fluff into the Top 24 let alone the Top 12.  And I don't really want to be tainted by or associated with the rejects that inhabit the is season's Top 12.  If I'm being completely honest....

Ryan opened the show by making reference to the big stage and the may cameras and lights.  It appears that the contestants (with the exception of Siobhan, Mike and Lacey) didn't hear him thought as most of them continued to stand stock still (I don't count a side step/knee bend Andrew) in the middle of the stage with their guitars and their scared looks instead of engaging the audience and dare I say it, actually performing?

Sure Big Mike was one of the few who got their groove on and worked the stage but the way he did it left something to be desired.  His video package told us that he was a ham as a child and that's what we got last night with "Miss You."  A big, salty, sweaty, canned ham.  Which probably explains why Randy ("You Slayed it") enjoyed it so much.  His falsetto was weird and unnecessary, the R&B feel didn't work with the song and the "dancing?"  Did he take lessons from Josh Gracin?  If I was at a restuarant and that was what I was served for dinner I'd have sent it back and gone somewhere else for dinner. 

After the judges said their piece, Ryan (who apparently spent the weekend watching the UFC) decided to get all up in Cowell's face in an effort to get Mike some constructive criticism.  Cowell played it off like he was uncomfortable but he did finally tell Mike where he felt the song went wrong.

Didi decided to "Play with Fire" and managed to not get burned.  Probably because the Sway Bots were fanning the flames away from her.  It turned out to probably be her best performance of the season.  The arrangement was dark and brooding and intense and the whole thing worked perfectly with her voice.  I'll agree with Ellen that she was Gr-Ate.

The one track poney named Casey was up next (I detect a guy/girl theme here) with "It's All Ove Now."  Those lyrics could be profectic if Casey doesn't get his act together and start doing something other than play his guitar in the middle of the stage while wearing a western style shirt.  Casey's bluesy/soulful/rock singing was on target and the song was a great choice but something was missing.  And that something was life.  Otherwise, Casey was fine but fine isn't going to win it.

Trying out a funky orchestral arrangement on "Ruby Tuesday," Lacey tried her best to engage the audience as she moved across the stage before setteling onto the "Lacey Stair" to finish out her song.  This performance had so much potential and it just never materialized.  Her vocals were spot on for the most part and it was a whole lot better than several of her past performances.  If she manages to hit all the right buttons with her next song choice, she could potentially make the Top 10.

With the quote of the evening, Papa Garcia let the world know "I thought my son would be a custodian."  Well, Papa Garcia, he might be headed in that direction based on the mess he left on stage last night.  Andrew's "Gimme Shelter" had me searching the covers of my bed for the remote so I could mute the TV.  Yes, folks, I DVR the show and watch it in bed.  The reason is that 1. I like to be comfortable while watching Idol and taking notes 2. I need to walk my dogs at 9pm otherwise they get as cranky as Simon and 3. I forget what reason 3 is.....Anyway, Andrew didn't gimme anything that I wanted to hear so despite Ellen's claim that it was his best yet, his best just wasn't good enough.

Ryan then flet the need to let the audience know that coming up after the break would be another Stones hit.  Really Ryan.  We need to be reminded of this?  I guess taht besides Didi, the other songs could easily mak us forget that it was Rolling Stones night on Idol but come on dude.  Not to mention that the next person up was Easter Sunday Katie.  Listen, I too grew up in a small town (argh, John Cugar Mellencamp just popped into my head.  GET IT OUT!!!!!) but guess what, I don't use that as an excuse for f'ing things up.  Imagine if I did though.  "Here's my report boss.  What do you mean it looks like a monkey wiped it's butt on some scrap paper and called it a report.  Well, in my defense I'm from a small town.  Then it's okay?  Great!"  Doesn't work like that in the real world folks.  Here's a question for you Katie.  Does your town have a glue factory because that is where your took those "Wild Horses" with your performance.  Straight to the glue factory.  Those poor horses.

Tim "Marley" brought out his reggae stylings for "Under My Thumb."  Tim's desision to go reggae was about as smart a choice as it would be for Eric Massa to go on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.  I'm still disgusted by the whole thing.  Kara gave him a round of applause for being different.  I'll give him a round of applause if he doesn't bother to show up tonight.  I'll take Adam's "Ring of Fire" from last season on repeat for 12 hours over 1 more second of what came out of Tim's mouth.

Luckily the bad stench that Tim left on stage was quickly forgotten when Siobhan dropped her amazing rendition of "Paint It Black."  With her black boots, stylin/sexy dress, smokey make-up and flashing her Mary Poppin's Tatoo, Siobhan easily stole the show.  Her vocals were sick, the arrangement was perfect, she used the whole stage, and she managed to get the whole crowd on their feet.  Kara said it was Adam-esque and she was right.  Siobhan managed to rise above the refuse that was littering the stage from earlier performances and did in fact shine like a beacon, or as Ellen said, "Snookie's pouf." 

Sadly there were several more performances to go.  The show should ahve ended with Siobhan, shame on you Idol producers!  Proving that lyrics were the "Beast of Burden," Lee soft rocked his way through a Stones classic that should never be treated as soft rock.  I was so bored that I almost fell asleep.  Not only was Ellen's ascertion that the performance was "like a hospital gown" right on target, it perfectly summs up Lee's problem (aside from his inability to remember and clearly deliver the lyrics each week).  He's not a finished product.  To utilize his past as a reference, he's like a painter coming into the store and buying 4 gallons of "Cupid's Arrow" even thought he knows the job requires 6 gallons. 

The Sway Bots were back for Paige.  Singing "Honky Tonk Woman" which was just an awful choice, Paige did what Paige does best.  Sucked.  Okay, I'll say that her vocals were better then ever this week but everything else about the performance was garbage.  She should have utilized the laryngitis and picked "Out of Tears" with lyrics like "I can't shout.  I can't scream," or "As Tears Go By."  But nope; once again she selects the wrong song.  I honestly have no idea what the Judges were hearing but she didn't deserve the praise she got.

Aaron chose "Angie" and while it wasn't great.  It wasn't the worst of the night - see Tim, Paige, Andrew.  Simon thought it was 100% the right song while Randy said it had "tender moments"  My wife just yawned. 

Closing the show was Crystal with "You Can't Always Get What You Want."  It certainly does encapsulate what we just witnessed.  Even Crystal wasn't her normal self and was clearly still in pain over Lilly being voted out.  She even wore a feather in her hair in her honor.  Crystal sounded good and her guitar playing was solid as usual but the whole performance was lacking that wow factor.  She will need to "dig deep" as Simon said if she wants to be standing on the stage in the Kodak singing whatever the awful "victory" song will be this season.

Tonight one of the Top 12 goes home.  Who will it be?  Could be any one of nine contestants as three are pretty much a lock for the Top 11.  We will also get a Ford Commercial and another group number.  Plus David Cook, Orianthi and Keysha.  Should be a jam packed show.

"Till the Next Goodbye"

~E       
          

Welcome to the Land of Misfit Singers...You're not gonna like it here!

Idiotic:
–adjective
1.of, pertaining to, or characteristic of an idiot.
2.senselessly foolish or stupid: an idiotic remark. 
Use in a sentence:  The people who voted for Paige, Katie and Aaron, resulting in them making the Top 12 on American Idol, are idiotic.
 
Outrageous:
–adjective
1.of the nature of or involving gross injury or wrong: an outrageous slander.
2.grossly offensive to the sense of right or decency: outrageous behavior; an outrageous remark.
3.passing reasonable bounds; intolerable or shocking: an outrageous price.
4.violent in action or temper.
5.highly unusual or unconventional; extravagant; remarkable: a child of the most outrageous precocity; a fancy dive performed with outrageous ease.  
Use in a sentence:  Lilly not making the Top 12 on American Idol is outrageous!
 
Tone Deaf:
–adjective
1.unable to distinguish differences in pitch in musical sounds when producing or hearing them.
Use in a sentence:  Whoever voted for Aaron to make the Top 12 on American Idol must be tone deaf.

Okay, that was somewhat fun and cathartic.  Sadly, I could go on and on selecting words that aptly describe what transpired on American Idol last night and then using them to slam the voting public for allowing such a miscarriage of epic proportions to occur.  You can't say that I didn't foreshadow this happening though.  I tried to warn everyone.  Even though my words were meant to be entertaining (likening what was playing out each week as bizarro; reminding everyone that the likes of Savol, Sanjaya, et. al. have made the Top 12) even I couldn't have predicted that both Katelyn and Lilly would be out and Paige and Katie would be in.  And I certainly didn't think that Alex had fewer supporters and followers than Aaron and Tim.  But that's just not how things play out on Idol.  This isn't a fairytale.  The good guys don't always win.  This is American Idol. 

Let's take a step back; think clearly for a moment (something that the voters didn't do on Wednesday night) and look at this rationally. Why should the viewers of American Idol be surprised that one very good and entertaining singer - Lilly, was voted out in favor of 2 not so good or remotely entertaining singers - Paige and Katie. After all, this is the country that voted for both George H.W. Bush and George "Dubya" Bush as President of the United States. Not a good track record if you ask me. Face it, the voters in this country are often wildly wrong and far too frequently moronic. Now I'm not actually suggesting that voting on American Idol is as important as voting for the President of the United States. I"m simply using it as an example of how stupid voters can be. Besides, everyone knows that more votes are cast on American Idol then are cast during a Presdiential election.


Speaking of looking at things rationally, if you think about it, this whole season has been a nightmare from the get go. First, the guest Judges (Victoria, NPH and Shania aside) were all useless and on occassion, downright rude. Second, the talent that was cast aside during Hollywood week (Angela Martin, Jermaine Purifoy, Thaddeus) in favor of rubbish like Tim, Haeley and Aaron. It makes me wonder how different last nights show could have gone. For me the reality of the situation is that thus far, I have not really enjoyed the show, the contestants, the God awful group numbers (then again I have never enjoyed those!), the unhelpful and contradictory critiques; the guest singers; or the editing. What I have enjoyed is Ellen, Ryan, Crystal, Lilly, Alex, Siobhan, and writing this blog. That gives me the sneeking suspision that I will be enjoying X-Factor next season instead of Idol and that makes me a bit queasy. For all the Judges talk that the contestants need to step up their game and really work hard each week selecting the right songs and arrangements for their performances, the Judges themselves along with the show's producers should also heed that advice and get their act together otherwise Simon is going to take a large chunk of the audience with him at the end of the season when he leaves to start X-Factor. I'm just saying...

That's it for my diatribe.  Now it's time for the recap!

The 12 Silver Stools of Safety need to be filled so here it goes:

Ryan calls out Didi, who was looking very Brooke White, and tells her she's safe.

Ryan then asks Siobhan to join him on stage.  The "Dark Horse" is also quickly told she's safe.

Ryan then requests that both Paige and Katelyn join him on stage.  It was at this point that I realized that Ryan was referencing this moment when he stated at the opening that we "could be in for a surprise or two."  Ryan then asks Simon which girl has the most potential.  Simon manages to put them both down before finally saying that Paige has the most potential.  Ruan then announces that Paige is indeed safe.  After Katelyn sings her farewell song, minus her casio which had to be returned to the prop department at the local high school, the girls all hug it out.  Now, I don't know if anyone else caught this but I did - well, thanks to Alyssa's keen eye as I was furiously writing notes...!  I had to rewind it (I DVR the shows) but you can clearly see Crystal mouth this to Katelyn, "That's so f#%&ed up."  Classic!

Moving the show right along, Ryan has Tim, Toderick, Lee and Casey all come out on stage.  Quickly Ryan sends Tim to occupy a Silver Stool of Safety.  I actually wrote WTF!! in my notes. 

After brief back and forth's with the Judges on Casey "You stripped for Kara" and Lee "Best voice of all the guys," Casey is sent to safety.  That leaves Lee and Toderick.  It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the guy still wearing cutoff gloves was going home.  Bye bye Toderick.  See you on Broadway - maybe.

The camer then began it's tormenting of Katie who was looking positivelt vomitous.  She's just a mess!

Returning to the show to prolong the remaining contestants agony are Scott M. and Matt G. from last season with a piano duet of Billy Joel's "Tell Her About It."  Why in the world would Idol make Scott and Matt play that crappy song when they easily could have done thier own thing and really rocked the house.  But that's Idol for ya!

After chatting briefly with both Scott and Matt (who knew he had a #1 on iTunes Jazz) Ryan got right back to filling up the Silver Stools of Safety.

First up was Crystal who was still looking angry and nervous.  Even after telling her that she was safe, Crystal didn't crack a smile.  Apparently Katelyn's ousting touched a nerve.

Big Mike was then sent to safety but not before Ryan insulted him by asking "can you fit on 1 stool?"  Seriously Ryan? 

Ryan then sent Lacey to grab a stool and she quicly consoled Crystal who at lease offered up a good job to her.

Aaron was the next to lear his fate.  But first he had to ramble on about being intimidated by the Judges who he "has grown up with."   Really, you're not even close to grown-up.  Isn't it past your bedtime too?  Ryan then annoys me to no end by telling Aaron that he too is safe and Aaron promptly hugs him.  Hen then goes and takes a seat next to Mike and it looks like David and Goliath on the stools.

So only four remain, Alex/Andrew and Katie/Lilly.  It was pretty obvious what was about to happen.  Lilly was going home.  As for Alex/Andrew it was still a toss-up.  Ryan called the Guys out first.  Apparently the voters stopped rubbing him the right way and voted in droves for Andrew because Ryan gives Alex the bad news.  Alex tried to man up and did a pretty decent job singing his final song on the Idol stage before losing it.  Siobhan was a total wreck as Alex sang as were several others.  Once Alex finished singing everyone stormed the stage to hug and console him.  That lasted right through the commercial break.  Poor Alex didn't know what to do with himself so Ryan had to kinda move him off stage.  That left Katie and Lilly as the last 2 for the final stool.

When Ryan tells Katie that she's safe, Lilly is shocked but recovers quickly.  Not so for Toderick wo says "Damn!"  Crystal who is looking daggers at Ryan, Paige and Katie.  And Katelyn who puts her hand over her mouth and just sits there in utter shock and amazement.  Lilly then offers up this last nugget before she sings her last song: "A lot of incredible talent is going home tonight."  Nice backhanded slap to Katie, Paige, Aaron and Tim (okay, I'm just adding Aaron and Tim because I think they are useless).

So that covers last night.  What do we have to look forward to on Idol?  Well we get the Ford Commercials for one.  Oh how I wish that Toyota was a sponsor of the show instead of Ford.  Sure the commercials have been entertaining at times.  But just think what they could do with Toyota.  Picture this, the Top 12 are all dressed in mechanics uniforms with greese on their hands and faces; the scene is a repair factory where thousands of recalled Toyota's are in various states of repair; and the song would be "Long May You Run" by Neil Young.  Or how about this, the Top whatever are dressed as cops, firemen/women, accident scene recreation investigators and reps from Toyota; the scene is a huge crash involving various makes of Totota and the song would be Sammy Hagar's "I Can't Drive 55."  Anybody with me on this one?

We also get theme weeks.  The first up is the Rolling Stones.  The posibilities are endless so I won't even attempt to speculate on who picks what song.

 It has now also come to the point in the competition when each one of us must select who we believe will be the Next American Idol.  Once I receive everyone's guess, I will post the selections before next Tuesday's show.  In addition, the voting changes starting next week.  Up until this point, each guess has earned 1 point.  Moving forward, each correct guess of who goes home will earn 2 points.  Should your choice for the winner be voted off, you will lose 2 points.  In the past, Idol has voted off 2 contestants after the Top 12 perform so depending on what Ryan announces during Tuesday's show, you may be selecting 2 people to go home on Wednesday.  Don't worry, I will remind everyone via e-mail on Wednesday morning.

Here are the updated standings:
Standings
David -- 6
Yolanda -- 6
Scott -- 5
Eric -- 5
Kristen -- 4
Jon -- 4
Mary M. -- 4
Lois -- 4
Emily -- 3
Betty -- 3
Jeff -- 3
April -- 2
Shannon -- 2
Mary W. -- 2
Margret -- 0

90% Boring, 5% Damn! and 5% Randy in a Bikini

Once again Idol was an hour long last night so the show got jumping right from the get go.  Ryan walked out on stage and proclaimed that the Guys were ready to deliver.  The Guys were again lined-up on stage and Ryan approached and intorduced each one by one as he walked down the line.  I half expected him to yell "Goose" when he got to Aaron and then run.  Speaking of Aaron, did anyone else get the impression that he was Casey's little brother who just happened to tag along and wasn't supposed to be on stage but Mom told Casey to take him to Hollywood?  Okay, maybe that was just me.  The kid's so freakin' small and looks so out of place next to the other Guys.

Getting the party started was Lee with his rocker spin on Owl City's "Fireflies."  In what would turn out to be a recurring theme, Lee took center stage with his guitar and just stood there like a statue and belted out the song.  For anyone who is familiar with the song, the lead singer (actually the entire band unless he's playing live) is Adam Young, and he has a very distinct voice and a pretty decent vocal range.  Lee has a very distinct voice, you know when it's him on stage even if your not looking at the t.v. and you would know instantly that it was him if you heard him on the radio (something that Kara has been harping on since day 1).  Unfortunately for Lee, his voice is not suited for that type of song.  It was pitchy the whole way through and he seemed to be struggling to get through it.  As Simon said, "You're better than that performance."  For Lee I say this (to the tune "Fireflies"):  I'd like to make myself believe that that guy Lee can sing soulfully.  But every week he stands and stares while strumming guitar beats and and sounds the same on everything he sings.  And it puts me to sleep." 

As the show headed to commercial break Ryan announced that up next would be Alex and Tim.  Zoinks?  I seriously shuddered when he said that.  I then composed myself and thought happy thoughts.

In what turned out to be a marvelous surprise and not the disaster I expected, Alex chose to sing Ray LaMontagne's "Trouble."  If there was a more perfect song for Alex I don't know what it is.  The song starts, "Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble.  Trouble been doggin' my soul since the day I was born."  For Alex though, trouble has been doggin his performances.  But tonight, he performed in such a way that he should avoid trouble and land in the Top 12.  To continue the trend set by Lee, Alex also stood stock still in the center of the stage and strummed his guitar.  But what didn't work for Lee, worked perfectly for Alex.  He was able to convey feeling and emotion and didn't look as uncomfortable as he has in the past.  One thing he still needs to work on though is finishing his notes and lyrics.  The mushy banana (great visual Ellen!) is getting better and if he continues to progress each week he could just be a factor in the end.  If I were him, I'd try and put the image of Randy in a bikini out of my mind (what is your problem Simon?) before next week!!!!!  Nobody want's to see Randy in a banana hammock and matching top.

So Alex had me feeling pretty good and it was up to Tim to keep it rolling.  Did Tim bring it?  Hallelujah!  Get it?  Pretty clever right?  Anyway, Tim did Jeff Buckley's version of Leonard Cohen's song proud.  Was it as good as say Jason's version from last season?  No.  Does that matter?  Maybe.  Once again a contestant stood frozen in the middle of the stage and strummed his guitar.  Does that equal a performance if you never alter what you do on stage?  While I thought it was very sweet of Ellen to run on stage and hug Tim after he sang as a way of praising him after she ripped him apart the past few weeks, I don't think that Tim is a lock for the Top 12.  Sure he will get some feel good votes and sure, he will get votes from the the texting tweens but will it be enough and does he deserve to be there?  It still seems to me like his "performances" lack feeling and emotion.  At least his vocals were in tune and he sang the song well. 

If Alex and Tim do make the Top 12 and there is a 90's theme, I have an idea for outfits for them:

 

  










Groundhog Day continued on stage with Andrew who in a shocker, stood still on stage and strummed his guitar to the tune of Christina Aguilera's "Genie In a Bottle."  Andrew revealed that he just learned the song this week in an attempt to recapture the magic he had when he performed "Straight Up" back in the auditions.  I thought that the song choice was interesting but was hoping that he would have picked "Beautiful."  It was a nice attempt at an upbeat song but as Ellen said, "kept the genie in the bottle until the end."  Will his fans vote like crazy to keep him in the competition or will tonight be the end and Ryan will blink and nod his head and Andrew will disappear from the show.

Casey "DWI" James puts his newly discovered moniker (more on that in a bit) to good use by going Country.  For future posts I will refer to this move as the "Gokey."  So Casey pulls a Gokey and sings Keith Urban's "Think of Me."  I feel like a brken record but Casey sat in the center of the stage on a stool and strummed his guitar - what is that 5 for 5?  Are these kids afraid of the stage or what?  If only Casey ahd stolen a pair of Danny's glasses last week, his total Gokey-fication would have been complete:  western shirt, stubble, country song - check, check, and check!  Yes the vocals were solid and his performance was polished but the whole thing was far too safe and stone cold boring.  Let me ask you a question Casey, Are you going to sit on a stool or stand still on stage next week when the Top 12 theme is the Rolling Stones?  Are you?

Back to the DWI nugget I dropped.  There's no need to go into the story here other than to provide this from Star Magazine:

Casey's little brother Aaron wandered out on stage next and since he's too small to play the guitar or hold a guitar and Lilly wouldn't let him touch her mandolin (because it has the word man in it not boy), Aaron could only sit on a stool in the center of the stage.  Then inexplicably the booth started playing Lonestar's "I'm Already There" and Aaron started singing.  That's when I remembered that he isn't Casey's little brother, he's actuall on the show.  How quickly I forget that....Apparently sitting on a stool causes Aaron's voice to warble like he's singing while riding in a car down a bumpy street so he stands up and assumes a Toby Keith "I'm Gonna Rock this Redneck Venue" stance to belt out the rest of his song.  Unfortunately for Aaron, there is no such thing as County Music Lite.  To quote my wife Alyssa, "This dude creeps me out and I hate his voice."  Well said Alyssa!!!  At the big finish, I thought that Aaron was being electrocuted by his microphone - not because I saw sparks but mostly because my mind wandered to last weeks episode of CSI where Rascal Flatts guest starred and Jay DeMarcus get electrocuted.  Personally, I thought the whole this stunk butRandy thought it was well done (no pun intended!).  What I found interesting about Simon's comments is that he gave Aaron very specific advice and told Kara to shut her pie hole about the "revelancy" of the song choice.  Now why couldn't they do that for Katie? 

Toderick "Radio City Music" Hall hit the stage next with Queen's "Somebody to Love."  Finally breaking the mold and utilizing the stage, Toderick started out in his falsetto before falling back into a gospel vibe and finishing with an R&B feel.  The whole thing was very Broadway but not in the Adam Lamber good kin of way.  Up until that point in the show, nobody had done anything with life so it was refreshing to see someone get up and move around and engage the audience and the band (hiding behind the Wizard curtin all night).  But what comes to mind now that I've slept on it is this:

  

With the first show stopper of the season, Big Mike took on "This Woman's Work" by Kate Bush but Maxwell's version.  Looking dapper in a suit jacket, vest, power tie complete with tie bar and a matching pocket square, Mike started it off with a bag by pulling out his falsetto and nailing all the notes before dropping into a R&B jam a blowing it out the box.  Was it the best performance that has ever happened on Idol?  Not even close, but, in a season with a whole lot of blah, Big Mike is the only one of the Guys to have a WOW moment.  Let me quote Randy:  "Really?"  "Crazy!"  "Dope."  "What?"  "HOT!"  The performance left Kara sobbing like a baby and Simon having to console her.  I will now quote April who sent me this nugget:  "Okay, this is the first time ever that Randy took the exact words out of my mouth. Every single word he said about Michael Lynche's performance is exactly what I was screaming at the TV. That is one of my favorite songs EVER & it holds a special place for me & Michael NAILED IT!!! Randy was absolutely correct & he should very well call Maxwell. And, I can't even believe I'm going to say this but Kara had every reason to cry. That song is extremely powerful for a woman. Dang!! I just wish she actually was crying tears. Ha ha! I still have goose bumps! " 

I'm not going to hop on the Big Mike muscle wagon yet but her was easily the best of the night.  I will say this about his song choice - Alyssa choreographed a solo dance performance to the Kate Bush version of the song and if Kara watched that, she'd probably have dropped dead because it was unbelieveable! 

Results are on at 8pm tonight!  Get your votes in now.

~E

It's a Girl Fight!

Before I get to the recap, I want to have a moment of silence for the passing of a legend of 80's film, Corey Haim.  Yes folks, one of of the dynamic duo, Corey (Feldman) & Corey (Haim) passed away of an apparent accidental drug overdose early this morning.  He will be missed.... 

It was like the Bizarro Jerry episode of Seinfeld (#137 or the 3rd episode of the 8th season for all you nerds out there) last night....Everything was all mixed up.  Let me explain. 

What was going on with Ryan?  In a very uncharacteristic move Ryan recycled his opening lines by repeating the rather blaise catch phrase of "So this is ladies night!"  Apparently he's been around Randy "Hand Full of Phrases" Jackson too long and it's starting to have an adverse effect on him.  Poor Ryan.  I just hope that he snaps out of it before he pulls a "Dunkleman."

Then there was Ellen sitting on Simon's lap, nuzzeling him as if his manly field of exposed chest hair and man boobs somehow turns her on.  What struck me as funny abouyt the whole thing was that Ellen was basically mocking Kara's behavior this season and Kara had no idea and thought it was all very funny!  And she's giving advice to singing contestants and attempting to "guide" them as they begin their careers?  Seems a bit bizarro to me.

Since the show was crammed into 1 hour (thank the Lord!) we were mercifully spared the indignity of slogging through more pointless video packages or uncomfortable interview segments and instead, we were launched straight into Sweeden's Yodeling Idol.  Or at least that's what it sounded like when Katie hit the stage.  Holly crap!  What has happened to Katie?  Well, the Judges happened that's what.  They have so thoroughly filled her head with contradictory and impossible to achieve advice that her head is close to exploding.  Of course she doesn't really know what kind of artist she wants to be yet and even if she did, artists are allowed to go outside their comfort zone and expected performances to try other things to broaden their abilities and song/performance catalogue.  Unfortunately for Katie, the Judges feel that a 17 year old girl who has never performed on a stage like Idol before is somwhow supposed to turn into Taylor Swift in a matter of weeks.  To quote the wise old sage Former President George Bush senior, "Not Gonna Do It!"

Katie decided to try and take the Judges advice and come off younger.  To achieve this Katie chose Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway."  Katie also dressed a bit younger but it was her vocals that needed to sell the transformation and she just didn't have it last night.  The song was pitchy and all over the place in parts.  None of the Judges really cared for it and neither did I.  It's really too bad because I think that she will one day be a star but her time is almost up on Idol after that performance.

From yodeling we quickly transition to a capella for Siobhan.  Yes folks, that "Funny Little Thing" was at it again.  This time she switched up the arrangement of The Animal's "House of the Rising Sun."  But before she sang a note Ryan visited with her to find out why she chose the song.  To add to her legend of weirdness, Siobhan dedicated the song, which for those who have never really listened to the lyrics - it's about a prostitute, to her Father because it's his favorite song and he used to sing it to her all the time.  How sweet!  What is in the water down there on the Cape?  Creepiness aside, Siobhan's rendition blew Janell Wheeler's out of the water.  For all the damage that the Judges have caused to Katie, they have had no effect on Siobhan.  As Randy pointed out, "Keep not listening to us! Because that was hot!"

Selecting Brandi Carlile's "The Story," Lacey launched the first blow to Katie's chances.  For all that she has done wrong up to this point in the competition, Lacey came out looking like the champ ready to defend her belt.  Sitting on the edge of the stage, Lacey gave her best performance at the most critical time.  Will it be enough?  I have no idea but she certainly reminded me of why I liked her to begin with.

Hot on her heels was Katelyn with her High School misic class performance of Carole King's "I Feel the Earth Move."  Considering what's at stake I would not in a million years have choosen that song.  My notes state "this arrangement sucks and so does this performance."  I was actually hoping for the Earth to move and swallow up the band and her casio keyboard which I don't think was even plugged in.  If Katelyn has simply sat on the steps of the stage with someone accompanying her on the acoustic guitar it might have worked but her attempt to "not be so corny" turned out to be an over the top cheesefest.  Everything was a mess except the vocals.  But even the vocals couldn't save the performance.  Katelyn probably has enough fans as well as enough good feelings from last weeks "The Scientist" to get through but with Idol, one never knows.  I still feel that she deserves to make the Top 12 but if she does she needs to focus and make better song choices.

Delivering what could very well be the knockout punch to Katie's chances of making the Top 12, was Didi's performance of "Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac.  To quote Ellen, "Yes in-Didi!"  Looking great and sounding great for the first time since her audition, Didi had the wow moment that she needed at the right time.  After being brutalized by the Judges last week she didn't let it mess with her head.  Instead she bounced back with a brilliant song choice and arrangement and then nailed the vocals. 

After Didi's brilliant performance I was all smiles until Paige took the stage and committed a homicide.  Now I know that the kids today use this term differently but when I say that Paige Killed it up on stage, I don't mean it in the good way.  I mean it exactly as it sounds - she absolutely killed the song.  It's dead and burried and should never be sung on Idol again.  At least not in the way that Paige decided to perfor it.  When the song you select to sing when your spot in the Top 12 is on the line is called "Smile" and you walk on stage dressed all in black with sorrow in your eyes and perform a funeral dirge you clearly have no idea what you are doing at your time on the show has come to a catastrophic and Hindenburg style end.  Simon summed it up perfectly "Horrible choice; 1974 Holiday Inn performance where people are sitting at the bar eating peanuts."  Okay, I didn't really get that last part either but it somehow seems to fit....

In a scene eerily reminiscent of how Adam Lamber owned the stage last season and made you forget what other songs ahd been sung, Crystal Bowersox not only onwed Tracey Chapman's "Just Give Me One Reason," she made the song better.  With her bluesy/smokey vibe and electric guitar, Crystal reinforced her position as a front runner to win the show.  Nobody else on the Girls side (Siobhan, Lilly and Katelyn have come close but aren't there yet) has been able to do what Crystal has done.  Or on the Guys side for that matter!  What's she's done is show everyone what she's all about and give then a glimpse of what type of album she would put out if she wins.  I can see why Simon is pimping her to the media because right now, she is the cream of the crop.

Closing out the show was Lilly with a very good version of Patsy Cline's "I Fall to Pieces."  Sporting a tiny guitar (mandolin) Lilly showed off her vocal control with her funky version of Patsy's standard.  As Kara said, she somehow managed to make the song current and contemporary.  Lilly is another one who is comfortable with who she is has a clear vision of the type of artist she intends to be.  It also help that she has delivered strong vocals each week which is something that has been lacking from both the Guys and Girls.

So as I see it, Crystal, Lilly and Siobhan are a lock and will quickly take their place on one of the "safe stools" provided that's how they break out the Top 12 this season.  Didi, Lacey and Katelyn will have to sweat it out with Katie and Paige to see who makes up the final three for the Girls.  As this is Idol and anything can happen (see Ryan Starr, John Stevens, Scott Savol, Bucky Covington, Haley Scarnato, Sanjaya, Kristy Lee Cook, Ramiele Malubay, and Megan Joy) and sometimes the bizarre happens (if the previous list doesn't convince you then google Paula Abdul and American Idol and watch a few clips of her best moments).

The Guys hit the stage tonight at 8 so tune in and come back here tomorrow for the recap.

~E   

Happenings in the World of Idol

Happy Tuesday everyone.  Have you been enjoying the teaser spring weather?  I hope so because it isn't going to last -- much like an in-tune note from 95% of this seasons contestants!

Tonight the remaining 8 Girls will be making a last ditch effort to win over fans and earn enough votes to squeak into the Top12.  In all fairness, there really aren't 6 spots open for the girls because Crystal pretty much has a lock on one.  Simon was on Leno last night and he voiced his opinion that Bowersox is the one to beat.  Here's a clip for your viewing pleasure:


 

So that leaves 5 spots for the remaining 7 Girls to fight over.  Based on the performances thus far it would appear that Lilly, Siobhan, Katelyn and Paige have the inside track on 4 of the 5 spots, with Katie, Lacey and Didi battling it out for the final spot.  Which one will earn the final spot?  Will there be any big surprises?  Will anyone have that "moment" that Simon has been imploring them all to strive for?  Tune in tonight at 8pm to find out.

In trying to keep everyone as informed as possible with regard to former Idol contestants still making news - some good (Carrie Underwood) some bad (Chikeze) I bring you the second week of Where Are They Now?

Scott MacIntyre:
Scott is set to release his debut album, Heartstrings on the 11th.  The album features 12 original tracks all written by Scott.  Here are the track titles: 

1. The Good, the Bad, the Ugly
2. Valentine
3. Heartstrings
4. Never Tired
5. Autumn Leaves
6. One Time Too Many
7. Stars
8. In Her Eyes
9. The Sun Still Shines
10. View from Above
11. I'll Take Tom (MySpace Breakup Song)
12. Wedding Song

For those of you who just haven't been the same since Scott was eliminated last year and have been suffering from withdrawal or just want to own Scott's autograph, the first 300 pre-orders will receive a personalized signed copy of the disc.  Go here www.scottmacintyre.com/ to order your's today.  I'm sure there are still plenty of signed copies still available.

Danny Gokey:
Acording to iTunes, Danny Gokey's album, Big Pile of Sh^t, oops, my bad I meant to type My Best Days, was the third best selling album of last week behind Jason Derulo's self titled album and Lady Antebellum's Need You Now.  Way to Gokey, Danny.  I won't be purchasing it but if you like what the Gokey brings, then by all means, get it while it's hot.

Kimberly Caldwell:
The seventh place finisher on Season 2 of Idol appeared on Ellen today to sing her new single Mess of You.  Here's a clip!


 
Jason Castro:
For all you laid back, tree hugging, strumming your guitar by the fire, pot loving, fools out there that have been wondering where your spokes person disappeared to, he was spotted (after a half-hearted and somewhat meandering search) on last night's special episode of "The Bachelor."  Castro was a musical guest for the wedding and performed his new single, That's What I'm Here For.  As an added bonus he also sang a version of Over the Rainbow.  I did not watch the show nor have I ever watched the show but at least the song title explains why he was on the show...here's the clip:
 

 
Adam Lambert:
Last season's runner-up was in Australia recently and performed an acoustic version of Whataya Want From Me on the morning show Sunrise.  Here's the video:
 

 
That's it for today.  While there is other former Idol news, it just didn't make the cut for this week's segment.
 
Until tomorrow!
 
~E

What if God was one of us...would he/she have voted for Jermaine?

Ryan opened the show by letting us all know that over 27 million votes were cast after the Top 20 had performed.  27 million votes?  Really?  When I heard that total I started to wonder if there had been devine intervention on behalf of Jermaine.  Maybe, just maybe his heavenly homeboy knew he was in trouble and ushered him to safety.  Then Ryan announced that Danny Gokey was in the house and I thought, "that can't be a coincidence can it?"  I'd have to wait for a few minutes though to find out.  Oh the suspense.....

Because first American Idol had to torment the viewing audience with yet another Group Song.  Note to American Idol producers:  We, the viewing audience, the addicted masses, the iTunes purchasing demographic, the ad revenue driving cash cow at who's teet you suckel, demand once and for all that you end this bombastic campaign of torture and Milli-Vanilli/Ashley Simpson inspired lip sync farce.  Who the heck do you think you are fooling?  The majority of these contectants have been unable to sing in tune while standing still or sitting on a stool so what makes them think that we believe for one second that they can suddenly perform flawlessly whilst running around the Idol stage?  Come on!

The Black Eyed Peas didn't deserve what happened last night.  The viewing audience didn't deserve it either.  Shiny black spandex pants Haeley?  Who's jacket are you borrowing Aaron - you look like Marty McFly from Back To the Future 2!

And who is dressing Katie Stevens?  Lisa Turtle from Saved By the Bell?  "Like Oh My God."

Finally Ryan dimmed the lights and got to the results.  First up was the Guys back row.  It came down to Toderick and John with John getting the ax.  John didn't seem nearly as upset as Casey was at his being voted out.  Pehaps Casey was infected by the "Purple Haze."  No big loss in my opinion and probably should have happened last week.

After the commercial break it was the Guys front row turn in front of the firing squad.  When it was just Jermaine and Andrew left Ryan brought them to the middle of the stage to amp up the drama.  Jermaine was sporting the missing half of Michelle's gloves from the previous night which really completed his Pee Wee Herman outfit.  Andrew looked as if he'd just watched someone kill a puppy.  And when all the votes were counted my concerns/fear were put to rest.  Call it what you'd like, "A smoting,"  "Being called back to the flock," whatever you want to call it it was the right call.  Jermaine wasn't going home without running his mouth though.  In a speach reminiscent of Mayor Menino, Jermaine butchered the rules of grammar while proclaiming "In God ther is no failure."  And for you there is no sucess.  NEXT!

To bring us into the second half of the show Danny Gokey returned to the Idol stage for the first time since his fourth palce finish last season.  Sporting a fo-beard, his signature glasses and the same t-shirt he wore last season, Danny debuted his new single, "My Best Days."  Perhaps it was a trick of the lighting or the camera but on several occassions it appeared that Danny was stuffing his trousers with a roll of dimes....Anyway, apparently Danny has gone Country.  Who knew?  As most of you know I'm not a huge Gokey fan but I will say this.  At least he was in tune.  After performing Danny chatterboxed Ryan into submission.  It's only his first album and he's already on the cocaine....Celebrity Rehab here I come!!!  Say hi to Nikki McKibbin for us!   

Anywhoo....I did enjoy that Ellen was trying to book Danny for her other show during Idol.  Not that's a savvy businesswoman.  

 

Sorry about that. It's lunchtime and I'm hungry and the commercial aired at this very point in the show last night.

The girls back row was on the chopping block first.  Ryan managed to put one over on Lilly, his first such gag of the season!  Way to go Ryan.  That gag never gets old.  It all came down to Didi and Michelle though.  After what seemend like 30 seconds of suspense building and the entire Jeopardy theme, Michelle was given the bad news and didn't take it too well.  Fighting back tears and cursing Jermaine under her breath for stealing the other half of her gloves, Michelle finally accepted her fate.

Cut to the Judges tabele as Ryan has the front row stand.  What the %^*& are Kara and Simon up to this year?  It's starting to really annoy me.  Stop touching each other or get a room!  Simon then says that "it's very obvious who's going home."  Ryan, looking perplexed asks Simon, "To who?"  And Simon responds with a shoulder shrug and a smug retort, "To the viewing audience."  Well judging by the vote cast in our little contest, it wasn't that obvious because it was down to Haeley and Lacey and almost everyone who cast votes last night thought that these 2 were the 2 going home.  Angering Vote for the Worst fans everywhere, Haeley was kicked to the curb and for the first time all season, wasn't smiling.  Before we had to endure what turned out to be a much more entertaining version of "The Climb, " Ryan and Debbie the stage manager got into a bit of a spat over the airing of the idiotic video package of all the contestants favorite moments as determined by some clown in the control room.  Roll footage.....no thank you!

So there you have it.  And here are the new standings in the contest:

David -- 6 (All 4 correct last night)

Yolanda -- 5 (3 correct last night)

Scott -- 4 (3 correct last night)

Eric -- 4 (All 4 correct last night)

Kristen -- 3

Jon -- 3 (Feel better now Dawg?)

Emily -- 3

Lois -- 3

Betty -- 2

April -- 2

Shannon -- 2

Mary M. -- 2

Jeff -- 2 (New guy is on the board!)

Mary W. -- 0

Margret -- 0

~E