It's starting to feel like the a high school high jump competition

In week one the expectations for the Top 12 Guys were very high.  As they stood on stage before their very first Idol stage performance, you could actually feel the jitters and nerves of Jell-O right through the television.  It was expected that there would be nerves and that some of the contestants would not perform up to our standards or the judges but the level of crapitude (did I just invent that word or did I hear it somewhere?) that we witnessed was perhaps one of the worst overall first performance nights in the history of the show. 

Week two dawned with the hope that the contestants would have found a way to channel their nervousness or stage freght or whatever into positive energy.  Or at the very least they could simply just picture the audience in their nickers.  The belief and hope was that everyone would walk out on that stage to perform and show the voting world what type of artist they intend to be and why they were selected as contestants in the first place.  While it wasn't a resounding success there were rays of hope.  Several of the contestants still appeared to be feeling the effects of the Idol stage much like Superman when he is near kryptonite or when he was forced to "Kneel Before Zod!"

After two weeks the Guys competition can be likened to a high school high jump competition.  If any of you has ever witnessed one of these competitions you will get the picture.  For those of you who have never had the pleasure let me paint the picture for you.  Unlike in the Olympics where the greatest althelets in the world are competing, high school track is vastly different.  Thus, when watching the high jump competition the bar usually starts out at roughly 5 feet to 5 1/2 feet.  Each contestant gets 3 chances to clear that height before the bar is raised by at minimum a 1/4 inch.  So consider that week one on the Idol stage is the starting height and each week the bar is raised and unfortunately, some of the contestants won't be able to clear the bar.

Back to week one on the Idol stage.  In my opinion, nobody cleared the bar cleanly and nobody cleared the bar on their first attempt.  In fact, several of the contestants not only didn't clear the bar, they also missed landing on the mat.  While I don't necessarily agree with the ousting of Tyler and Joe, American felt that they didn't clear the bar on any of their three chances (or in Idol speak their 90 seconds of performing) and therefore, were not around for week two.

The show started off with all of the Guys lined up across a darkend Idol stage looking reminiscent of the poster for the "Usual Suspects." 

Ryan informed the audience that the switch was due to Crystal Bowersox getting ill and having to be taken to the hospital.  At roughly 10am the Guys were informed of the issue and graciously agreed to switch nights.  Another switcheroo took place at the Judges table where Randy "Mr. Rogers" Jackson and Ellen "Conquering the Judges Table One Seat At A Time" DeGeneres flipped seats so that Randy and Simon bookend the table with Ellen and Kara in the middle (oh the jokes that could be made here....).  Ryan and Ellen then partook in some humorous banter about American Gladiator and Bewitched as well as Ryan's appearance on Ellen's show where they shared a bed together due to Ellen being felled by a very bad back and some serious pain meds.  I also noticed that the Red Coke Cups were back in place of the Vitamin Water Zero cups.

"Big" Mike Lynche was the first to try and raise the bar from last week.  And raise the bar he did - at least for himself.  Looking cool and comfortable of stage is a black on black 3 piece suit with pocket square, Mike performed James Brown's "It's a Man's World" like he was a member of the Rat Pack - which he isn't nor is he talented enough to really be mentioned in the same sentence but what can you do.  Randy gave him a standing o and rightfully so if your Randy Jackson.  Did he really deserve that kind of reaction?  Probably not.  While he was far and away better this week than last, he still has a long way to go to advance beyond just making the top 10.  With what he has done thus far, he won't make it much beyond 10th place.  But for this week, Mike easily cleared the bar (it's still set pretty low folks so don't run to the gift shop and purchase a Big Mike slanket just yet!) and set it higher for everyone who was to follow.  Apparently all those Aaron curls he does when getting warmed up are starting to pay off.  

John "Should Just Sing in Korean" Park followed Mike and to para-reference another James Brown song "He Ain't Got Soul (Seoul?) And He's Super Bad."  His performance? of "Gravity" by John Mayer reminded me a lot of Lil Rounds from last season.  She had all this potential but just couldn't figure out the Idol stage or how to select the song to best showcase what type of artist she wanted to be.  Unless second rate copycat was the type of artist she was striving to be!  I agree with Simon.  John is looking at a early return to his pals in "Purple Haze" after clearly faulting for a second week.

Casey "Bucky Covington's Better Looking Brother" James hit the stage with his electric blue electric guitar and tackled "I Don't Want To Be" by Gavin DeGraw.  Before he performed we got to see his video package and the only thing I really took away from it was "What's In the Box?"  "Oh, What's In the Box?!?" 

 

Casey's performance for me was no where near as good as Bo Bice's who's vocals are far better suited for the song.  Bo also possessed a more polished stage presence and performance swagger than Casey has demonstrated to date.  Were the vocals better than most of the contestants to date?  Sure but there is more to it than just vocals.  When your guitar skills outweigh your vocals on a song, it's time to choose a different song.  Also, did anyone else wonder if Casey picked the song because of the lyrics?  Here's a sample of what he sang: "I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn. I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn.  Am I the only one who noticed?  I can't be the only one who's learned!"  Is it just me or does that sound like he's referring to his fellow contestants?  None of the Judges seemed to enjoy the performance, not even the the Cougar. 

On a side not, the Judges have been offering up much more pointed criticism this season.  Even if the criticism is more contradictory or flip-flops more than the Republican Party and/or Mitt Romney!

Alex "Vomit Bag" Lambert took his turn at raising the bar with his rendition of John Legend's "Everybody Knows."  Looking like he just stepped out of the Spring Urban Outfitters catalogue (Mullet aside), Alex seemed to have his vomiting and nerves in check.  He also shook that pesky zombie stare from last week.  While he still lacked what Simon called "that killer instinct" he chose a good song for his abilities and actually had a much more comfortable and clean performance. The Judges gave Alex useful and constructive feedback as well as needed encouragement.  The kid has potential, that's undeniable.  Is he a dark horse?  Don't ask Siobhan because she couldn't teel you!  Hopefully going forward Ales learns his songs in human language and not in his "made up language" otherwise he'll continue to not finish the lyric and not convey the true meaning or any meaning of the verses he sings.  Besides, does he really want to go through life with a vocabulary like Randy Jackson?  Alex raised the bar for himself considerable next week and here's hoping he continues to do so.

Toderick "Ike Turner" Hall pirouetted onto stage next with his "Ike Turner" version of Tina's "What's Love Got To Do With It."  Jacked up by his pre-performance push-ups, Toderick proceeded to beat the crap out of yet another tune in the name of "switching it up like you wanted."  Calling out the Judges for conflicting advice is not exactly a good idea, even if it is 200% (argh, Randy's infecting my brain) accurate.  Regardless, there is a time and a place to make a song totally your own and it's time to just sing Toderick.  Because with a smooth voice like that (and sounding an awful lot like D'Angelo last night) he needs to just sing, use the stage and play to his strenghts (great observation on both counts Ellen!).  Otherwise he'll never raise the bar, he'll just be singing in one.

It had finally come to the point in the evening that I was dreading.  The point when I would be forced, for the sake of this blog, to listen to Jermaine "Kid N' Play" Sellers.  Not only that, but I was apparently going to have to endure seeing him in a dinosaur onesy and hear him whine about the Judges not liking his song last week.  What else did we learn about Jermaine?  He's an old spirit.  God is is homeboy.  He's not Picasso yet.  And he uses a steam mask to open up his vocals.  He also looked like the love child of Eddie Murphy's Norbit character and Urkel.  Going with that ultra current hit "What's Going On" by Marvin Gaye, Sellers stunk up the joint for a second week.  The performance had as much life and The Adventures of Pluto Nash.  The Judges were not pleased.  Ellen was at a loss for words.  Kara told him to look at the lyrics and try to decipher their meaning.  Randy thought it was better but far from great and Simon was frustrated and disappointed.  Would it be too much to ask that he doesn't get a third week on the show?  Please!?!

Singing James Morrison's "You Give Me Something," Andrew "Breakin 2 the Electric Boogaloo" Garcia didn't "give us anything."  It was if he was asleep on his stool.  Now I'm frustrated and disappointed because he has so much potential to wow us each week.  So far though he hasn't found his rthym with his song selection and really needs to step up his game.

Aaron "Peeping Tom" Carter, I menan Kelly followed Andrew.  Aaron is big into photography because the "camera doesn't lie."  No it doesn't.  SO if the old addage is tru that the camera adds 10 pounds and 5 years then Aaron must weigh about 50 pounds and be 11 years old in real life.  Taking a stab at singing a song ("My Girl") that is 20 years older than he is, Aaron takes a giant step backward from his performance in week one.  Aaron tried his best to cover the fact that the song was out of his league by using the stage and going country with it but it just didn't work.  And that last note?  I thought someone was making tea and it had finally boiled.  Ellen was spot on again when she called it "forgettable."

Tim "Abercormbie & Fitch" Urban hit the stage next wih "Come On Get High" by Matt Nathanson.  As first I didn't recognize the song choice but once he got going I realized what it was.  It was actually a good choice for Tim considering he doesn't really have any singing talent.  Which was pointed out again by Ellen who was on fire last night.  Asking him if he could act was priceless!  And I doubt that Glee would hire him unless the part didn't involve singing.  Simon was the only one whliked the performance.  Granted what he was comparing it to was a flaming bag of dog poo!  Perhaps one of Tim's four brothers or five sisters can sing?  

Rounding our the Guys last night was Lee "Pants On Th Ground" DeWyze.  Lee chose a song that probably very few people recognized but was perfect for his vocal abilities.  "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder was right in Lee's wheelhouse and the former paint salesman who made lots of bad choices in high school (who didn't!) did a pretty decent job with it.  Lee took a current (well more current than most of the others) song that he knew he could handle and although he was pitchy, he was as Simon declared, "Head and shoulders above everyone else."  Lee needs to contact General Larry Platt and buy one of the belts he was selling at the Grammy's so he doesn't have to keep pullin up his drawers next week.  Perhaps then he will be more comfortable on stage.  Lee once again raised the bar for himself and for the remaining Guys.  Now it's up to them to figure out how to get over it.

Overall not a very enjoyable show but better than week one.

Girls go tonight at 8pm provided that Crystal has recovered from her 3 nicotine patch overdose!  She doesn't want to ruin her "Crest White Strip" smile!  

~E