Boys Don't Cry?...Well Tim Urban Almost Did!

This Is "Simon Stop Talking!" 

Somewhat of a strange way to start the program last night for Ryan but I guess if Simon won't shut his piehole while Ryan is trying to do his thing you gotta call him out on it.  Right?

Another bizarre quote to begin the show was Randy blerting out "The girls blew it out last night."  Blew what out exactly Randy?  Their flicker of hope at advancing?  Their lunch?  What exactly are you referring to Dawg because I have no idea!?!

I'm pressed for time....$%^&*(*&^%$ work!  This is more important than work people!!!!  So here it goes....

Toderick "Disappointed Kids In The" Hall started off the show with a rather bizzaro rendition of Kelly Clarkson's "Since You've Been Gone."  Hall may have made it a little too much of his own because the song was almost unrecognizable.  He really overdid it but was very comfortable on stage thanks to his previous work with Fantasia.  The judges didn't dig his performance but did kinda appreciate his taking a chance.

Aaron Kelly aka David Archuleta II sang second and despite everything going against him actually performed quite well.  His version of "Here Comes Goodbye" by Rascal Flatts was pretty solid.  Grandmothers (pantsless or otherwise) are going to be all over this kid and his pop county, wholesome dude vibe.  Initially I just wanted to stuff him in a locker but now I fear I must take him seriously.  The judges also seemed to love him.

Jermaine "Watch Out for the Bus" Sellers followed Kelly and made everyone in attendace wonder why on Earth he made the Top 12 Guys.  "Get Here If You Can" by Oleta Adams was never meant to be sung like that!  Personally I think he "churched it up" too much with far too many unnecessary runs and rise/falls but what do I know.  Wait, I actually know quite a bit and darnit, I'm correct.  He may be boarding that bus he used to run the band over with after that...

Tim "I'm No Chris Golightly" Urban ook the stage singing "Apologize" by One Republic.  Hey Tim, what the f$%* was that?  Please apologize to the following:  One Republic for murdering their music; the band; to Chris for taking his spot; to the judges for making them look like fools; the producers for making them look like bigger fools; and to the viewing audience for making us suffer through a song that made Saw 1 through 6 look like puppys frolicing in a field of flowers.  As Simon said, they "Made the right decision the first time."  People were probably trying to leave.  I know I wanted to leave the room but I couldn't look away.

Joe "No I Wasn't In Menudo" Munoz unfortunately had to follow Tim.  Joe sang "You and I' by Jason Mraz.  While I'd never heard this song before what was more important for Joe was that he performed it well.  He looked at ease on stage and while his vocals weren't amazing, he held his own.  His performance also ilicited the first "For Me For You" from Randy.  Kara went so far to claim it was the best so far.

Tyler "Ghost of Jim Morrison" Grady slithered on stage next and performed "American Woman."  Personally, I loved the performance.  It was very reminiscent of Bo Bice who I loved in season 4.  Was it predictible?  Sure.  Was it safe?  Only if he performed it well which he did.  Does he need to become more than one dimentional as a performer?  Of course.  Will he make it through to next week?  You bet!

Lee DeWyze sang 7th for the Guys.  He chose Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars."  Here's some background on poor Lee from my perspective:  He looks just like a guy (I had a much more applicable word but I edited it out) I unfortunately know so everytime I see him I want to punch him in the face; He chose a song I love and I'm positive I could have sung better - I'll even prove it at karioke some night if you want proof; and did I mention that I want to punch him in the face because he looks like someone I know and lothe?  Okay.  As for his performance I can say that I like his voice and the tone of his voice to be presice.  That being said, he didn't roll my socks up and down.  So I agree with Randy when he said, "Ah Dawg.  Not good."

John "Doe" Park was up next and clearly misunderstood the importance of the first performance on Idol.  Otherwise he would have picked a song that was more current and showcased his mad vocal skills.  Instead he sang the jazz standard "God Bless the Child."  I understand why he did it but he choose the wrog time to do it.  Not that there is a right time unless the theme is jazz standards.  He sang with absolutely no passion and the whole thing bordered on a motel lounge act. 

"Big" Mike Lynch stepped to the mic next with Maroon 5's "This Love."  Sorry Mike, I got no love for your rendition.  Sorry.  I want to like you but right now you are coming off as cocky and perhaps entitled.  Yes you were comfortable on stage - sweaty pit aside, but Simon was correct when he described you as an opening act for the main performer at a concert.  Step it up next week big man!

Alex "Won't Ever Get Confused With Adam" Lambert was on after Mike and sang "Wonderful World" by James Morrison.  I don't know about you all but I was put off by his slightly psychotic zombie stare into the camera.  His death grip on the mic was also disturbing.  Clearly he has to get over the nerves and if he does, he could be a factor for many weeks because the dude has got some vocal chops.  I wonder if Kara gave him a hug or if she was too busy stalking Casey who was up next.

Casey "Cugar Bait" James performed "Heaven" by Canada's own Bryan Adams.  Casey sat on a stool and strummed his guitar and performed a bluesy, Bob Seagerish version that was safe yet well done.  Casey has many things going for him; his looks; his style; his vocals; his hair; Kara's undying lust; a good back story.  What he has going against him thus far is that he somehow has managed to channel the creepy pedifile stare of Constantine Maroulis.  Simon and Ryan had the best quotes here with "Both cursed with good looks;"  "Kara's cugar love;" and "Kara's HR meeting next week."  Good stuff guys!

Last but not least was Andrew "Straight Up - No Cahser" Garcia with Fallout Boy's "Sugar We're Going Down."  Andrew came out with his guitar and performed a nice acoustic version of the song.  I enjoyed the second half more than the first and he clearly is going to get through.  The judges didn't really enjoy it but based on everything else that they heard, his performance was one of the better ones. 

Okay folks.  Please e-mail me your picks.  I also put a poll on the right side of the main page where people can vote for who goes home.  Unfortunately everyone will need to create a profile in order to use this feature.  I also don't know for sure how well it will work or if your votes can be properly attributed for our purposes.  If anyone is game, give it a try so I can test this out.  Thanks

~E