It's Official. Ryan's Lost His Marbles!

When I first heard that the Top 9 par deux was going to be taking on the super hip and ultra contemporary Elvis song catalogue I had a feeling that we were going to be in for a long night.  Little did I know that we would also witness a complete mental breakdown by Ryan Seacrest.

Here's how the show started:  Dramatic lighting; Ryan mistiming his cue and almost falling down the stairs; various Glee cast memebers sitting directly behind the Judges; Adam Lambert and his mom front and center-ish; Ryan proclaiming that after last weeks dramatic reshults schow (not a typo - that's how he pronounced it!) where the save was used and 2 must fall this week; Ryan then announced that the pressure was on.  He then bolted to the Sway-Bot pit at the right of the stage and started high-5ing them while barking out Wassuuuup! 

It only got more cuckoo from there.  After launching into the usual rigamarole - "Put your hands together for y-o-u-r Top 9;" It's a big night, Elvis night; VIP trip to Vegas; blah blah blah - Ryan parks his crazy self next to Adam Lambert (this weeks mentor for those who haven't been paying attention) for a chinwag and proceeds to declare that Adam's tongue is much more talented than his.  This produces a brilliant sideways glance at the camera from Adam to which Ryan ignores and plods right along with his banter.  Adam's overall assessment of the Top 9 is that they need to wake up.  So true Adam!

First up was Crystal with "Saved."  It was your typical solid performance from Crystal.  One we've seen time and time again this season.  And while that isn't a bad thing and I don't necessarily think she could be in danger I am reminded of the fact that Chris Daughtry was the surprise victim in Season 5 during Elvis week.  Crystal hopefully won't be the victim of the save being used last week on Mike.

Are there any birthdays in the audience?  Because if there are, I'm sorry to say that your birthday gift was listening to Andrew and his very sad version of "Hound Dog."  It was like watching the mentally disturbed folks that like to shuffle around the bus station at 3am inging to themselves in that weird monetone that tells you there really aren't any lights on and you should probably get ready to move quickly if they start heading right towards you.  Before Andrew had even opened his mouth the sing bore us to death he entertained disturbed the crowd by playfully pretending to pick his nose before "like wowing" his way through his pointless lead-in chatter with Ryan.  We were then treated to Adam's take that Andrew is boring.  If you still weren't convinced before the performance, then you sure were afterwards.  Put a plastic cone around his head and send him to the bottom 3!  I honestly don't understand what Ellen was hearing to make her utter the words "I thought you pulled it off."  Unless she was trying to say in a very nice way that Andrew pulled off a flawless butchering of the song.

The wheels weren't completely off the bus yet as Ryan announced that Tim was up next.  Continuing his trend of creepy smile/pervert stares leading into the commercial break Tim filled up the screen with his dirty diddleness for just long enough to give me the shivers.  Following the commercial break we were treated subjected to Ryan interacting with Tim's equally creepy mom.  Thanks Idol!  As I braced myself for what I anticipated would be a massacure of "Can't Help Falling In Love" Turban (Ryan's new nickname for Tim apparently) did the unthinkable and sang/spoke with more emotion and feeling then he ever has and somehow managed to convey actual understanding of the lyrics.  Apparently he was unable to see Ryan waltzing with a Michael Sarver lookalike for the entire song!  And the first few wheels fall off the bus....What would have helped Turban/Telfon Tim was listening to Adam when he suggested that he end the song in his upper register.  Why don't any of these contestants listen to the mentors?  Especially when they give great advice?

Domo Arigato Mr.Roboto!  Displaying a new found sense of joy and elation (sarcasm, people!) Lee plodded his way through "A Little Less Conversation."  No Simon and Kara we don't want kittens when Lee sings but it wouldn't kill the kid to demonstrate, even just a little, that he is capable of showing an emotion other than "Seek and Destroy."  Perhaps actually taking the advice of Adam would have helped.  Jesus, the Terminator was programed to show emotions so why can't Lee.  Oh wait, the big grin and thumbs up from Lee......It's ALIVE!!!!! Lee also messed up the lyrics (it's actually ''A little more bite and a little less bark, a little less fight and a little more spark" not "A little more spark and a little less spark, a little less [mumble], one more [mimble]) but once again none of the Judges called him on it. 

Go home Aaron.  You suck!  NEXT!  The only thing enjoyable about his entire time on screen was when some hillbilly yelled "NO WAY" after Simon called it bad karaoke.  A few more wheels fell off the Ryan Seacrest Express after he introduced Aaron's video and then dipped the mic stand like he was a contestant on Dancing with the Stars.

Put away your label maker folks, Siobhan is up next!  Performing "Suspicious Minds", Siobhan was vocally strong despite a somewhat disjointed arrangement.  Clearly the seconds half of the song was better then the first but regardless, she didn't deserve the idiotic retrread comments she got from Randy, Kara and Simon.  Ryan then stepped in and asked Siobhan what she sould do next week if she stays.  In yet another brilliant moment for Siobhan, she denounced all the Judges and anyone else for trying to label her when she doesn't try to label herself.  Which drove Simon batty!

Did the Judges go to the bullpen for the save too early?  Based on Mike's (at Siobhan's suggestion) performance of "In the Ghetto".....well it's too early to tell but it looks like they made the right call.  At least until next week.  There was nothing spectacular about it nor was there anything terrible about it.  It was just a so so performance.  As Simon likes to say, "It was forgettable."  Still way better than last week though.

"Baby What Do You Want Me To Do?"  Well, Katie, I'd love for you to go home and never grace the small screen again with your Middle School drama class "attaitude" and lame-ass end of song arm drop as demonstrations of understanding and interpretation of the songs meaning.  Gotta love Ellen's assessment that it was a very "horny" song because of all the horns!  Simon called it loud and annoying and I have to agree.  I also thought she looked a bit like Mr. T...                                  with all that bling on.   

Landing in the pimp slot for the evening was Casey.  Before introducing Casey's video package, Ryan made an announcement about Idol Gives Back and included a Brian Dunkleman joke.  April Fool's was a few weeks asgo Ryan - get with the program.  Not to mention that I reference Dunkleman frequently but in more appropriate context which makes me wonder if Ryan has been reading my blog?  Anyway, after the Dunkleman joke, Ryan squeeled like a school girl at a Twilight sreening when introducing Casey.  Casey inexplicably chose an Elvis song that even Elvis doesn't know he sang in "Lawdy Miss Clawdy."  Before I go on did anyone else really enjoy the AirTran commercial?  Here it is for those who missed it:
 

Since Casey's performance wasn't nearly as good as the AirTran commercial I'll stop here. 

Closing out the show, I half expected Ryan to bust out an Irish jig and then cartwheel off stage.  Instead he just annoyed Matt Morrison by stealing his hat.  SEACREST OUT!!!!  Of his mind......

So who will be in the bottom 3 and which 2 go home?  For those keeping score at home, I'd wager that Aaron, Andrew and Katie will be warming the Silver Stools of Doom.